College Freshman Disappointed At Lack Of Sexy Coeds
19 year-old Ryan Muntz told the Enduring Vision at a press conference yesterday that he was "sorely disappointed" at the lack of sexy coeds at the University of Maine, where he attended college this past year.
Muntz, who finished school late last week, said that he maintained hope throughout the year that he would encounter some sexy coeds, but in reality, he "knew from day one" that there were none to be had.
"Right when I got to the University [of Maine], I started immediately looking for wild, sexy coeds," he said dejectedly. "But I didn't find any, and even though I kept looking all the way until the last day of school last week, I knew right then that I wasn't going to find any."
Muntz claims that pornographic webpages conditioned him to believe that college would contain "hundreds" of sexy coeds, all of them eager to perform various sexual acts on him.
"Whenever I would accidentally visit porno sites on the internet, they always featured these beautiful college-aged girls, getting naked -- sometimes with other girls -- in front of the camera," explained Muntz. "It made me think that the girls who went to college were basically all like that."
Adding to Muntz's misconceptions were television ads for adult videos that, like the Internet sites he cited, primarily featured sexy college coeds.
"After seeing ads for eight 'Girls Gone Wild' tapes, all of them showing sexy college girls removing their tops with wild abandon, I was convinced that college would be one big orgy," said Muntz. "In fact, I'd say that my anticipation of sexy college coeds who didn't mind flaunting their sexuality was probably the biggest factor in my decision to attend college."
Unfortunately, Muntz said, he did not find even one instance of a sexy college coed during his time at the University of Maine.
"There were some attractive girls, of course," he said, "and there were also some girls who acted a little slutty. But not once did I witness a sexy young woman ripping her shirt off for a camera. Not once did I see a coed in a Catholic schoolgirl uniform engaging in lesbian sex with another coed. Not once did I even see sexy college coeds partaking in wet t-shirt contests."
Muntz told the Enduring Vision that in light of these discoveries, he would "probably not" be attending college next year.
"Without sexy college coeds, my college experience was seriously hampered," he said. "I hope this will be a lesson to future students who are considering going to college for the sexy coeds. I'd hate to see them make the same mistake that I did."