Conformists Suck, Complains Conformist Punk

Laura Klinger, a local 16 year-old self-described "hardcore punk", held a press conference today in which she complained about "conformists" -- people who choose a particular dress style, speech pattern, musical preference, attitude, etc., to fit in with a desired crowd.

These conformists, according to Klinger, consist of almost the entire population of the world, and are exceedingly "fucking annoying" to "nonconformists" such as herself.

"Practically all those preps at my school are conformists," Klinger spat, the carefully- placed safety pins lining her schoolbag glinting in the sun. "They all wear the same old name-brand clothing, they all listen to the same god damned pop music, and they're all the same, like that Pennywise song says."

The Pennywise song in question, "Perfect People", describes conformists, complaining that "they all look the same", something Klinger told The Enduring Vision that she detests.

"I just hate that shit!" she shouted over the noise of a local band playing at a show where our interview took place (with some difficulty, as our reporter had difficulty locating Klinger amongst a sea of similarly-dressed other girls). "People should get some fucking individuality!"

A good start to acquiring individuality, Klinger said, is to shop at more "cool and indie" clothing stores.

"Hot Topic is a really good one," she revealed. "They don't have that stupid brand-name crap like Ralph Lauren and Abercrombie And Fitch, and all of us nonconformists shop there."

The type of music conformists listen to also brings them down; to express true individuality, Klinger said, one must seek out music not played on the radio.

"The radio never had, has, or will have any good songs on it, ever," she said flatly. "The only way these conformist shits can be cool is if they start listening to truly underground indie music, which you can find out about by checking with all of your nonconformist friends to see what they are listening to."

But Klinger also warned of underground music becoming popular, an indicator that the band in question has "sold out".

"There are some bands who used to be cool until they get played on the radio," she said scornfully. "Then you know they're just all about the money, and that they have conformed, which means you can't conform by listening to them."

Finally, Klinger advised that true nonconformists will do "wacky, strange things", and refuse to bow down to the ideals that society attempts to impose on them.

"Don't let the man tell you what to do!" she shouted. "Put safety pins on your stuff - it's all the rage amongst us nonconformists! Also, you can wear stuff that totally doesn't match, or t-shirts with wacky things on them. Take that, establishment!"

Klinger did caution against doing anything too wacky, however, as that could make one "look stupid".

"Just make sure enough of your friends are doing it before you go ahead and do it," she advised.

And what do parents, such as Mr. and Mrs. Klinger, think of these radical youth?

"Oh, kids will be kids," chuckled Klinger's mother. "You know, I used to have ideas once."

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