Activist Ceases Protesting After Realizing She's Lucky To Live In Country Allowing Her To Protest

Pictured: some protestors just happy to be here.

Sela Williams, anti-war stalwart and immigrants rights activist, announced today that she will cease all calls for social activism and redress of grievances out of gratitude for living in a country where such dissent is possible, after having her good fortune pointed out to her by coworker Donna Sliel.

"She told me she was going to protest all them illegals being kicked out of here or whatever," said Sliel disdainfully, "and I said, 'You know what? You should shut up and just be happy that this is a country where you can protest without getting shot.' And Sela just looked at me and said, 'Oh my God. You're right.'"

Williams, inspired by Sliel's "patriotic words", said that even though there are countless problems plaguing the poor and neglected, she is too happy to live in a country where the right to protest is guaranteed to continue protesting any longer.

"This is the greatest nation in the world because it allows and even encourages voices of dissent to be spoken and heard," said the retiring activist, "which is why I cannot, in good conscience, continue to cause such a ruckus and demand that the government right its many wrongs."

"Isn't it enough that the Bill of Rights grants us the right to gather peacefully and insist that the government carry out the will of the people?" implored the former activist. "It's not like we should go out and rally over every worthy cause, just because we have the right to."

Williams said that her change of heart could also be traced back to a rally for immigrants' rights, when she and thousands of marchers were ordered by law enforcement officers to cease and desist for not having the proper permits and documentation. The experience, she says, made her realize how precious the rights are that the citizens of the United States possess.

"This nation's government has been so generous to its subjects by providing places to gather, helpful law enforcement and coverage in the press," beamed the anti-activist activist. "It's really impolite to demand that the government do much more beyond protect our right to protest; why do we have to be so pushy and urge them to enact the very social reforms that they so graciously allow us to ask for?"

Many colleagues and long-time admirers of the once vociferous Williams are applauding the example she sets and have expressed a desire to join her on her Crusade. Carrying banners with such slogans as "Don't Push Your Luck", "Quit 'cher Bitchin'", and "Stop The Greedy Protesting", Williams' supporters gathered in various meeting places across the country to show their gratitude to the government for resisting the urge to shoot peaceful protesters with rubber bullets, tear gas canisters and fire hoses.

"We need to be grateful for what we have before we go focusing on the things that we lack as a nation," said supporter Raymond Grand of Portland, Oregon. "I mean, all that minority rights, illegal war for oil, government corruption stuff are just the details, which tend to work themselves out eventually. Ms. Williams' message of being thankful and grateful for what we do have, and not pissed off over what we don't, is an important voice of reason in such tumultuous and turbulent times."

Her message appears to be gaining popularity as it spreads. Many in the government, including some Senators and members of the Bush administration, have taken note of the non-protests taking place across the country, and have even voiced their support for the movement.

"Sometimes, the public might get the idea that we in Washington don't listen to the voices of dissenters," said Senator Dick Durbin (D, IL). "Sometimes that's true, but the when a truly positive message is heralded, we can't help but notice. In response to the massive outpouring of support for Ms. Williams and he message, I am authoring a bill that will cease all discussion over immigration reform and pulling out of Iraq, in both the House and Senate, and will dedicate the remainder of this session of Congress to reminding the American people that here in this country you cannot be thrown into a dungeon and tortured for the simple crime of voicing your opinion."

Durbin further stated that lawmakers work hard, and it would make their jobs a lot easier if only the American people took stock of how good they really have it.

"Come on, we have the 1st Amendment, which grants the people the right to free assembly, freedom of the press, freedom of religion, freedom of speech, the right to petition the government for redress of grievances," he reminded the public. "Isn't that enough? What more could you possibly want?"

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