New WTC Site Tower To Be Tallest In World, Offer Encouragement To Future Terrorists

The replacement building to be constructed at the devastated World Trade Center site, dubbed "The Freedom Tower", will be the tallest in the world at 1,776 feet -- both a recognition of the date of American independence and a new "million point target" for future terrorists, says project architect Daniel Libeskind.

Libeskind says the aims of the project are twofold: to replace all 10 million square feet of commercial space lost in the September 11th, 2001 attacks, and to demonstrate to terrorists that they have "a new goal".

"The Twin Towers were something the terrorists could shoot for before, yes," Libeskind admitted, "but they were fairly unremarkable structures. This new tower will be the tallest in the world, and it will be in America, which is 'the great Satan' to many of these terrorist groups. Knocking this one down would probably make them think that whatever paradise they had previously envisioned for suicide bombers was crap compared to the rewards to be reaped from taking this sucker down."

The new tower could even serve as the "ultimate prize" in some form of game terrorists could play in which they attempted to win by assigning points to various buildings around the world, then knocking them down.

"The Freedom Tower would definitely be a million points," he said. "Or at least 1,776 points."

Adding to the taunting of the terrorists is the building's shape on the NYC skyline, which will resemble a "giant middle finger", said Libeskind.

"Whenever terrorists see the NYC skyline, there it'll be: a big 'Fuck You'," he described. "It's like, 'Hey, you knocked down our old buildings, so we built the biggest one in the world in its place. Oh yeah, and it happens to have a height symbolizing our freedom, and is in fact called The Freedom Tower. How do you like that, fellas?' That ought to rile them up."

In fact, Libeskind said, the fact that the tower has no confirmed space occupiers signed up yet is likely due to its "terrorist magnet" properties.

"I am expecting just about every self-respecting terrorist in the world to try and get a piece of this thing," he said. "So I'm really not surprised that some business owners would be wary about setting up shop in there."

Of course, Libeskind, like most people, would not like to see the new building actually attacked by terrorists; as a result, he will be implementing a number of anti-terrorist measures to ensure that such a horrific event will be avoided.

"A small sign constructed at the base of the tower will read, 'All are welcome, except for terrorists,'" he said. "We are also considering placed a sign on the exterior of the building with the reminder, 'It is UNSAFE to fly a plane into this building!'"

Another idea being tossed around is the construction of another, empty "dummy" building in to be erected in a remote area of NYC, designed to attract terrorist traffic away from The Freedom Tower.

"We could build a cheap tower over 4,000 feet tall, making it easily the tallest building in the world and an eye-catching feature on the skyline," Libeskind mused. "As long as it was placed in an area where falling debris could not hurt anyone, terrorists could fly into it over and over. We could even place a large neon arrow on The Freedom Tower indicating the location of the dummy tower."

Such a plan could even eventually lead to the elimination of all the world's terrorists, since the repeated suicide missions could continually thin the terrorist population to extinction.

However, such plans are still far in the future; for now, Libeskind wants to concentrate on one thing: "pissing off terrorists".

"For any al Qaeda members listening," he said with a smile, "I have a message for you: prepare to be infuriated."

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