Rita Approaches; Hurricanes 'Seriously Not Even Funny Anymore', Complain Americans
With the town of Galveston, Texas evacuating in the face of Hurricane Rita and many in Louisiana preparing to ignore doing the same, an informal poll revealed that most Americans no longer find hurricanes and what they do funny.
"It's like, 'enough is enough', man," commented New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin. "You had your fun, now knock it off. It's getting annoying."
"This is like an April Fool's joke that just goes on too long," agreed Louisiana Gov. Kathleen Blanco. "Some of these hurricanes really need to grow up."
Those already affected by Hurricane Katrina, including many Louisiana and Mississippi residents and people hating things named Katrina, say that they, along with the rest of the nation, found what the hurricane had done "interesting", but that the time had come to move on.
"As I floated around in my house, I thought, 'All right, yeah, I see where this is going,'" recalled Sarah Bertrand, a New Orleans native who now goes on adventures on the high seas atop her house. "It was kind of funny. But Rita is really just a poor imitation of the innovation that Katrina already brought us."
"At least Katrina brought us something new," John Clamodt, a neighbor of Betrand's, said. "It was something we could count on to happen, and we all sort of looked forward to it. Now this Rita business is the same thing over again, so it's not as nice."
"Now if Rita were a volcano," he said, his eyes widening with delight. "Hoo, boy!"
Not all of America agrees, however. Some still find the antics of hurricanes like Rita hilarious.
"All this wind tickles my face -- it's pretty funny!" said Marcy LaTour of the Florida Keys, which were supposed to have been evacuated. "Who the hell would leave at a time like this?"
"At least with another hurricane, I know what I'm getting," said LaTour's husband. "We've seen Louisiana on the TV. We know what's coming. And frankly, I can't wait."
President Bush, siding with those who don't find hurricanes funny any longer, promised that he would take swift and decisive action to rectify the situation.
"I will be doing anything in my power to reinstate old [Former FEMA director and San Diego Zoo experiment Michael] Brownie back to his post," Bush assured the nation. "That ought to make things funny again."
He also vowed to try and make some of his infamous speaking errors.
"But I must warn you," he said, speaking gravely, "I can't guarantee the speedity at which I will so do the errors."
The Bush administration also committed its own research teams to probing the cause of hurricanes, which are currently believed to be caused by wind sticks and salt.