Kansas Abortion Doctor Aborted At 3,752 Weeks

Pictured: a helpful abortion timeline.

In an act hailed by extreme abortion-rights activists as "righteously bold", Kansas abortion provider Dr. George Tiller allowed himself to be aborted at 3,752 weeks.

Dr. Tiller was one of only a few U.S. doctors who happily performed late-term abortions, up until his own participation in one. He routinely aborted fetuses over 21 weeks of gestational age, the time at which a fetus can potentially survive on its own, provided it has good job skills.

Tiller once described late-term abortions as his "passion," saying that he hoped eventually the term limits would extend past birth and possibly into adulthood.

Today, while serving as an usher at a local Protestant church, Tiller's wish came true when a white man -- presumably another abortion doctor comfortable performing the procedure in the -3,716th week of pregnancy -- cordially approached the doctor and aborted him with a handgun.

It is believed that Tiller's mother decided to order the abortion on her son after realizing that he was trying to steal her grape preserves. (Mrs. Tiller is 94 and has severe dementia.)

This was not the first attempt to abort Tiller, however; he was shot and wounded by an assailant 16 years ago. Though he was "disappointed" by the failed abortion, Tiller vowed to be the first human adult to be aborted in the U.S.

"Someday soon, we will once and for all abort the idea that abortion should be done before a certain time," said Tiller in a 1999 interview. "Instead, we'll only focus on a woman's choice. Hopefully, I can be the beacon of light for women everywhere that is needed to make that dream a reality."

Troy Newman, of the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue, decried the actions of Tiller and his mother.

"Dr. Tiller's complete disregard -- occurring in a church, of all places -- for the sanctity of human life cannot be ignored," Newman said at a press conference. "And while we at Operation Rescue would never promote violence, evil must sometimes be met with drastic actions. We therefore have no choice but to vow to kill Dr. Tiller's spirit."

Newman then aborted himself in the head in order to pursue Tiller beyond the grave.

Several Kansas pro-life organizations, including Kansans Against Abortion, And Evolution Too (KAAAET), have filed a legal injunction against Tiller's death, with the ultimate hope of putting his body on artificial life support indefinitely.

"Whereas it is currently illegal to abort an adult in Kansas," read the group's statement at an official hearing, "we therefore seek the court's approval to sustain Dr. Tiller's dead body with life support until his natural death, which is statistically likely to occur within the next twenty years."

With 75% of Americans in a recent Gallup poll believing abortion should be legal in some or all circumstances, the country remains evenly divided over whether or not abortion should be permitted, if one is using the definition of "evenly" to mean "not really".

There is a lack of consensus, however, over how late is too late for an abortion. Even many pro-choice organizations decry Dr. Tiller's abortion.

"There comes a point -- in this case, when the fetus can talk to you and smile at you -- when abortion just doesn't feel right," admitted prominent sociologist and pro-choice activist Dr. Samuel Cortez. "I believe that if Dr. Tiller could have seen his brain activity and his cute little eye glasses, he would not have wanted himself to be aborted."

Abortion remains legal in the U.S., although many believe that's only because of several Supreme Court rulings.

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