$2,000 Beverage Refrigerator Stocked with Bud Light, Miller Genuine Draft
A refrigerator costing at least $2,000 out-the-door was discovered this past fourth of July weekend in a residence in Plainfield, Illinois, full to nearly 95% capacity of beer worth a total of $20.
The discovery is causing beer experts and suds sommeliers to doubt the owner's appreciation for fine beer, and openly question how fit he is to own such an esoteric and expensive piece of equipment.
"The refrigerator is capable of so many things, and is going to abject waste," lamented Joe Johnston of Gluntz Beverage Corporation. "At the very least, we expected to see some Stella Artois, Blue Moon, or something else that would justify the expense, and it makes me sad to think how much better-suited I am to own something like that to house my rare microbrew collection."
An appliance of that caliber, experts say, is usually reserved for keeping various styles of beers at the appropriate temperatures for serving, which typically range from 50 to 59 degrees Fahrenheit, contrary to the 40 degrees at which the owner and his wife keep the unit.
"It must have been some mistake," said Randy Mosher, author of "Tasting Beer: An Insider's Guide To Avoiding Drinking Like An Uninformed Idiot". "They must have thought it was a much cheaper model with one temperature setting and a vinyl exterior like the college kids use, not the temperature-controlled, stainless steel unit they actually bought. I'll bet they got quite a shock when they opened up that box and saw something that they have no hope of ever understanding."
Mosher later said that he would support the idea of a state-enforced licensing program, with both verbal and written exams, to determine an individual's qualifications to purchase a refrigerator of this magnitude.
Why the expensive, state-of-the-art appliance is being used to house what experts say is a paltry assortment of Bud Light, Coors and Miller products remains a mystery, but owner and self-described beer lover Michael Allen took exception to everyone taking exception, and told authorities that he loves filling his refrigerator with "practically every brew under the sun".
"I love all kinds of beer," explained the owner. "Bud, Bud Light, Miller, Miller Light, the occasional MGD if I want something with flavor, maybe even some Old Style if I'm watching the Cubs game -- they're all favorites of mine. And you really need something totally high-end to keep all that beer ice-cold when company comes by. Nothing but the best for me and my friends."
"I'll never understand why people buy all that expensive beer -- you can't even taste the difference, and you pay twice as much," he added.
Allen insists that the costly refrigerator with the clear-glass door is evidence of how much he loves beer.
"Most people are happy to just throw their beer into the crisper, or some shitty cooler," said Allen. "Not me. I insist on a fine fridge, which is a lot more than those chumps can say who claim to love that fruity, nasty micro-brew shiznit even though they keep it in their basement fridge. Real men drink real beer, and have the real fridge to prove it."
Allen also showed off his 60" $3,000 flat screen plasma TV, on which the self-purported movie buff watches his favorite films, from "new gems like 'Transformers' and 'National Treasure' to old classics like 'Swordfish'."
"You just can't watch awesome movies like that on a crappy TV," explained Allen, "especially not while you're drinking beer out of a crappy fridge that might not keep it as totally ice cold as the Rockies."