Children's Drawings Enrage Muslim Clerics
As the riots over European newspapers' caricatures of Mohammed continue, yet another wave of discontent is spreading across the Muslim world as some crude drawings of stick figures drawn by U.S. children have been revealed as possibly being intended to be caricatures of the sacred prophet.
"We demand that any images, be it brazenly heretical or indolently blasphemous, be destroyed, their creators beheaded and bowels fed to the hell-entombed souls of infidels," said Sheik Mustafa Ustaf. "That includes Sally Miller, student in Mrs. Simmon's third period history grade class, who produced a caricature of the Islamic Prophet Mohammed for a school project."
The sacrilegious Sally in question, a 6th grader at Happy Valley Junior High school, drafted the crude image of a man in a turban who appears to represent Mohammed and Islam as part of her 'Major Religions of the World' class assignment – an offense punishable by death, or at least being sent to her room. The idolatry-inspiring caricature appears adjacent to an image of a bloodied Christ on the cross and a copy of the Schindler's List DVD cover (widescreen edition) to represent Christianity and Judaism, respectively.
The drawing is in direct violation of many of the edicts of the Muslim faith, which has put little Sally high on the list with other notables such as Ariel Sharon, George W. Bush, the Nation of Denmark, and filmmaker Theo Van Gough (despite already being dead) whose blood will fetch a mighty reward.
"Kill the blasphemer! Kill the blasphemer!" chanted an angry mob in Tehran as images of Sally's project, to which Mrs. Simmon's gave a B+, were proliferated throughout the crowd in pamphlets.
Along with Sally's badly drawn and offensive caricature, clerics are upset over many other unidentified stick figures by unnamed artists and taken from a number of sources, which could represent millions of idolatrous images, or at least millions of school projects, bored drawings of "Indian Dudes", and sketches of people who are actually supposed to have beehives on their heads.
"What this represents is all-out war on all that we hold sacred," spoke Iranian President Ahmadinejad to the assembled masses. "We must reflect reciprocal destruction upon those who befoul our sacred prophet. We must destroy all images that are not explicitly not representations of Mohammed!"
As armies of profane stick figures that aren't necessarily not Mohammed march on Tehran, the international world is preparing for the worst by banning games of "Hangman", halting all 1st -- 4th grade art classes, and rounding up all undeclared stick figures for fear that other revolts may occur in other sensitive countries.
Muslim clerics have also become alarmed at the rising incidences of idolatry following the publication of satirical cartoons in Danish newspapers depicting Mohammed in a humorous fashion. Aside from the vitriol spewed at the content of the cartoons, Islamic leaders are also decrying the corruption of young Muslims who, influenced by the shocking images, are forming cults and sects devoted to the worship of images and figurines meant to represent Mohammed.
"We worship thee, oh great Golden Mohammeden Statue," said Raashid Amehejan, high priest of the "New Mosque of the Great Golden Representation Of Our Prophet" as he and his followers bowed in front of a statue of Ulysses S. Grant, which was fitted with a turban and a sign hung around its neck that read "Mohammed". "You are our savior, oh Gilded One, and we give our undying devotion to your eternal brilliance -- not like those wack-jobs that worship your unseen and formless spirit like a bunch of idiots. Pray for us, oh statue."
As fringe sects of Islamic idol-worshipping cults pop up around the globe, many clerics are offering the option of complete nuclear annihilation of everything on earth to prevent anything from ever being used as an idol.