Hussein Trial Erupts In 'Yo Momma' Insults
Suffering what he called a "bummer of a first day", a new chief judge at Saddam Hussein's trial endured insults to his court that culminated in an emotional Hussein theatrically storming out of the court and threatening to write about the session on his My space.
The judge, Raouf Rasheed Abdel-Rahman, attempted to start off the session seriously, telling everyone that he was "in no mood for tomfoolery". But Hussein's half brother and full homey, Barzan Hassan, began acting out almost immediately, insulting the judge and referring to the court as a "two dolla ho".
"I ain't never seen such a sorry-ass court as this," Hassan scoffed, grinning and revealing a number of silver teeth. "And judge, I bet yo momma's so fat, when she puts on her yellow Sunday dress, the kiddies say, 'Ain't no school on Sunday, why the bus here?'"
"Oh!" Hussein gasped, laughing and pounding his hand on the table. "Oh, snap!"
Abdel-Rahman sternly told the two to settle down and implored the team of defense attorneys to restore order, but surprisingly, the lawyers didn't help anyone.
"Judge, the defense agrees that you got the sorriest ass in the Middle East," guffawed one attorney who was subsequently expelled as Abdel-Rahman craned his neck to see his own ass. "Defense rests, bitch!"
Unfortunately for the court, the lawyer's expulsion only served to further aggravate the defense, eliciting several cries of "What the fuck?" and accusations that the court was bullshit.
"Yo, this court got about as much class as yo momma, judge, and she like school in the summertime," jived another defense attorney, repeating this even as the judge shouted that some schools offer classes over the summer.
"I'll tell you, those boys," the judge commented after the court had recessed due to Hussein leaving, chuckling and shaking his head. "You see Saddam as a dictator for so many years, and you'd never think that he'd be so ornery and difficult."
Some have suggested that perhaps Hussein had a difficult home life, and/or that he has a medical condition akin to A.D.D. and needs to be treated.
"I feel sorry for him, most days," the judge said sympathetically as Hussein left him another text message challenging him to a fight "NEwhere, NEtime, pussy bitch". "But, you know, we try to be firm, and hopefully he'll settle down, straighten up and fly right."
Hussein is on trial for the murder of over 140 Shiite males in 1982, which he firmly denies.
"Bitch, I don't even know you," he shouted at a woman who claimed that she and her husband were victims of Hussein's torture, and that her husband was eventually killed. "You're just jealous that you're not on my My space friends list."
Some human rights organizations have expressed concern that Hussein's trial is not proceeding as fairly as it could be, and that more care should be given to Hussein's rights.
"You have judges in here antagonizing him and making him yell and shout, and he gets all sweaty inside of his nice suits," said one member of Human Rights Watch. "This is absolutely inhumane."
"Whatever, bitch!" Hussein said in response. "I'll sue you!"
There is speculation that the trial's chief judge may shift again to the sterner eye of Judge Judy, which would also expedite the trial to ten or fifteen minutes, and allow for another dictator to be tried before the end of the half hour program.