New 'WTF' Agency Will Examine Iraq War
Joining the ranks of the World Trade Organization (WTO) and the World Health Organization (WHO), a brand-new new governing branch -- What the Fuck (WTF) -- has been added to the international peacekeeping bodies of the United Nations (UN).
WTF's main focus is Bush-Administered Iraq, and contends mainly with the wartime disease -- known scientifically as "Iraqnophobia" -- that has begun spreading throughout battalions of soldiers and their worried mothers, eventually creeping all the way up to every single politician in Washington.
"We originally began with WitFiGOH -- What in the Fuck is Going On Here -- but this was eventually shortened to what the fuck you see today," UN Head-Honcho, Kofi Annan, said. "We figured that saying WitFiGOH took up valuable time that is probably being spent thinking of an exit strategy."
Annan spoke more about abbreviations and how interesting they are.
"Usually, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) would get to coin a name abbreviation of this nature," he remarked. "But due to the fact that this debilitating disease now threatens the livelihoods of Republicans as well, it's time a higher authority stepped in to craft the term."
"For years, people have complained about the fact that we coin useless little abbreviations for every single office we develop," Annan postulated, adding that the nicknames started out as a lazy joke and just seemed to "take."
Not everyone is happy with a three-letter substitute for the real thing. Frank Estes, a ground troop carrying out the second year of his original 90-day assignment, prefers to sound the entire title out.
"What the Fuck is actually happening?" he queries, relieved that his plight is finally being taken into account.
"What the Fuck is happening," a fellow soldier happily confirms, mixing water into a tin-full of that day's ration of freeze-dried food. "What the Fuck is happening right now."
Others aren't so sure. "It's just a catchy phrase with nothing to back it up but thousands of dead U.S. soldiers and a horrific continuance of bloodshed with no end in sight," one White House staffer scoffs, shredding a document.
But Annan maintains that no one can stop the UN from promoting WTF, claiming "As international peacekeepers, we can do whatever the hell we want." His son, Kojo, later confirmed this assertion.
President Bush took this opportunity to create a new organizational role for himself -- Senior Operational Bureaucrat -- and named the American people the official Supporters of Liberty.
"So look-it here," he explained. "I'm the SOB in charge of this invasion. And you folks are all SOL."