Crashed Air France Plane 'Too Cowardly' To Fly Across Ocean, Say Americans
An Air France jet plunged into the Atlantic Ocean while en route from Brazil to France on Monday, killing 228 people in what many Americans are calling the most shameful, cowardly plane crash in France's long history of being big wimps about everything.
By not completing its flight across the Atlantic, the French plane demonstrated the true colors of its government: "pink, and some kind of polka dots," according to a press release from the American American Association (AAA).
"Without a definitive explanation on why the plane went down, we can only assume that the French deliberately crashed into the ocean just to avoid flying over it. This time, they've gone too far," said a spokesperson for the AAA.
The crash does remain a mystery, although officials believe that a severe thunderstorm could have caused electrical problems on the plane, including ruining the meals of everyone in coach. That explanation doesn't fly with some Americans, however.
"I drove in a thunderstorm yesterday, and I'm not dead," scoffed Floridian Jeannette Dolmer. "That proves that thunderstorms never hurt anybody."
France's cowardly ways have long been a thorn in the side of Americans, beginning with the country's chicken livered support of the U.S. during the American Revolutionary War, when French citizens aided American soldiers only by flying large white flags in the face of British troops.
More recently, France refused to co-invade Iraq with the U.S., causing the American government to retaliate by temporarily renaming "French Fries" to "Freedom Fries", a severe blow that France may never recover from.
Now, the two countries share uneasy relations, and Air France's plane crash looks to be straining the relationship even further.
"I feel for those people on board who died, but that's what they get for flying Air Freedom," said known American Daniel Crotz of Rainstown, Kansas disdainfully, avoiding having to even say the word "France", which some believe can reduce testosterone. "An American plane would've had no trouble with that ocean. It would have been called Air...Freedom."
"You know what I mean!" he shouted.
Not all Americans directly blame France for the crash, however; some speculate that since the crash occurred "virtually almost" within the Bermuda Triangle -- a region of the ocean that planes sometimes crash in -- powerful supernatural forces could be at work.
"For example, the lost city of Atlantis could be down there, pulling planes down out of the sky due to their gravity machines, and other advanced technology," explained one man from the Internet. "Also, UFOs."
A small minority of U.S. citizens even seem to take offense at the suggestion that their peers hold ill will towards France.
"It's annoying when the inhabitants of a region or a country are stereotyped in a negative way," said Lester Fats of Lardstown, Iowa, speaking to The Enduring Vision while collecting his welfare check. "It's really unfair."