https://www.enduringvision.com/ Bringing the world satire and love since 1927. en-us Copyright 2000-2010 The Enduring Vision https://www.enduringvision.com/news/us_071310.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/us_071310.php In a letter to the Obama administration published today, naturalists and conservationists expressed a growing concern that chronic reduction of the nation's parks and open spaces is limiting the safe areas that America's children have to go and get stoned. Tue, 13 Jul 2010 23:15:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/news/us_071110.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/us_071110.php Local man Allen Withrow became the subject of ridicule and the focus of extreme anger this past Friday, when he used a non-cellular fee-based public telephone device -- or "pay phone" -- to make a personal call. Sun, 11 Jul 2010 21:00:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/news/sports_070810.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/sports_070810.php In a move that has stunned Cleveland fans, but surprised very few sportswriters, NBA free agent LeBron James announced tonight that he will not return to the Cleveland Cavaliers, choosing instead to follow in the footsteps of his hero Michael Jordan and play for minor league baseball squad the Birmingham Barons for the rest of 2010. Thu, 08 Jul 2010 22:30:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/news/politics_062810.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/politics_062810.php Senator Robert Byrd (D-WV), the longest serving member of Congress, became the most recent casualty of an increasingly tumultuous election year when he died this morning. Mon, 28 Jun 2010 20:30:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/features/videos.php https://www.enduringvision.com/features/videos.php Take a journey deep into the headquarters of the world's oldest and best website. Warning: may be hilarious! Mon, 21 Jun 2010 21:00:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/letters/061710.php https://www.enduringvision.com/letters/061710.php Another letters update? That makes two in one month! What the hell is this, some kind of operational website? Top scientists are working on the answer. We are paying them with the money from our super-lucrative text ads. Anyway, let's see what you have to say! Thu, 17 Jun 2010 21:00:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/news/world_061610.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/world_061610.php U.S. and Afghan officials claim to have discovered more than $1,000 trillion in untapped unobtainium deposits in Afghanistan, far beyond any previously known reserves and enough to fundamentally alter the Afghan economy -- and perhaps the war itself, according to senior American military officials. Wed, 16 Jun 2010 10:30:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/news/us_061410.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/us_061410.php As President Obama prepares to address the nation about the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, spill perpetrator BP is trying to emphasize the disaster's positive aspects -- namely, that it creates conditions favorable to the development of a mutant superhero. Mon, 14 Jun 2010 23:31:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/news/health_061010.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/health_061010.php After spending over ten consecutive hours sitting on the couch today, local man Jim Richardson decided to walk over 300 feet (round-trip) to his mailbox, burning over nine calories and fulfilling his goal of engaging in "some form of exercise" every day. Thu, 10 Jun 2010 13:00:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/news/politics_060810.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/politics_060810.php Sources inside the White House say that President Barack Obama, infamous for his cool temper, finally "flipped out" yesterday when his eight-year-old daughter Sasha spilled a glass of grape juice all over the living room floor. Tue, 08 Jun 2010 23:00:01 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/features/yumr.php https://www.enduringvision.com/features/yumr.php For your scientific study, we present the best of the worst user movie reviews from Yahoo.com. Over 75 editions, now with added witty commentary! Sun, 06 Jun 2010 22:30:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/editorials/netguy89_060510.php https://www.enduringvision.com/editorials/netguy89_060510.php Okay, I've made at least 675 tweets about this in the last 72 hours, but apparently, some of you people just aren't getting me. FAIL. So let's go over this one more time: everyone needs to stop spending money on products that I think are stupid. Sat, 05 Jun 2010 12:00:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/letters/060310.php https://www.enduringvision.com/letters/060310.php We once promised to answer your letters in a more timely manner. That was obviously a lie, or more accurately, a "trick promise", designed to see if you trust us. From now on, we will definitely answer them faster. Thu, 03 Jun 2010 14:00:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/news/arts_060210.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/arts_060210.php Evan Dolmer, bassist for local avant-jazz band Unexpected Corn, expressed frustration and confusion after attempting fruitlessly to explain to girlfriend Gina Wagner the significance of the 5/4 time signature. Wed, 02 Jun 2010 00:00:01 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/news/politics_060110.php https://www.enduringvision.com/news/politics_060110.php Outraged social conservatives, protesting the possibility of homosexuals being allowed to serve in the U.S. Army while being openly gay, marked this year's Memorial Day by staging hundreds of "Teabagging Parties" -- gatherings involving bouts of furious gay sex -- across the nation. Tue, 01 Jun 2010 00:00:01 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/ https://www.enduringvision.com/ Although it's been over a month since The Enduring Vision, a website most experts consider "the biggest threat humanity has ever faced", last updated, concern is growing that the site may actually return soon. RETURNING JUNE 1ST Sat, 22 May 2010 12:00:00 GMT https://www.enduringvision.com/letters/041610.php https://www.enduringvision.com/letters/041610.php That's right: it's our monthly celebration of the millions of people who send us letters. Out of those, only a few ever get printed, because most people, when faced with writing something the internet, are struck blind, dumb, and barely literate. Fri, 16 Apr 2010 23:31:00 GMT