Letters: August 13, 2006

Unusually, this week features a few very silly letters. I hope that next week our usual panel of physicists and famous comedians comes back.

Haha, Lady In The Water.

Alright... Lady in The Water? M. Night Shyamalan partially failed humanity when he created The Village, but this film exceeds the earthly definition of worthless. Okay, let me list three things in this movie:

1.) Tartutics
2.) Narfs
3.) Scrunts

I would expect a more varied vocabulary to spew forth from an infected wart on my asshole. Clearly, Shymalan's intention was to create a movie so bad that viewers would have to question its validity. At first, I didn't even believe the storyline.

Oh yeah, and the Lady in The Water was queer. - Levi Busch

Studio Executive: Lady In The Water is the summer movie people just can't stop talking about!


Trying to be somebody else is a weast of the person you are...just be yourself.....Wear black - Telissa

Josh: I think all of our non-black-wearing readers out there would do well do listen to this: being yourself requires that you wear black.

Our most honored letter writer returns (again).

I was reading the article entitled "Oil Pipe Leaks, Draws Criticism For 'Sexual Imagery' " and had to laugh because in Iraq store owners get shot for arranging their fruit in a 'sexually suggestive' manner. Wait, that's not funny at all. In a completely unrelated story, I read your comment on the picture of the week and thought you might be interested watching me eat a disgustingly greasy burger in the name of patriotism. It's a project that Matt Landis and I completed only hours before reading your coincidental post. We call it How Do You Stack Up?" Anyway, I just felt like plugging myself on a popular website so I'll stop wasting your time. Actually I will continue to waste your time, for months and years to come. SUCKERS!
- Clint

Josh: Ordinarily, I'd be wary of linking to something that an average reader sent in, but you are no average reader, Clint, and I was very pleased to read about you honoring America by eating a burger with almost 2,000 (!) calories. Well done!


WTF?! What kinda story are you writing. You should really racist in alot of it. Besides that I'm sure that no black person wants your F*ed up plated gold watch. Bling bling isn't cheap asshole. - Justin

Josh: Hmm. I think we've all learned a little something about black people today, everyone: they don't want our f'ed up gold-plated watches, because bling bling isn't cheap.


go fuck yourself you god worshipper, the satanic jihad is here, dont confuse it with an idiotic islamic jihad by the way, pray to your 'jesus' and when you're laying there dying, ask, where are you now god?!, damnit die! - jesuskiller

Josh: Man, what's happening with kids these days? What ever happened to doing drugs and starting satirical webpages?

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

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