Jackson Innocent, Say Fans Who Have No Knowledge Of The Case Whatsoever

World-famous musician Michael Jackson had his first formal court appearance this past Friday, and although the charges brought against him were serious -- seven felony counts of child molestation -- the singer managed to thrill crowds of fans gathered outside the courthouse following his arraignment, climbing on top of his car, blowing kisses, and even handing out invitations to a party on his Neverland Ranch.

These various behaviors only punctuate what many fans have long believed to be true: that Jackson is completely and totally innocent of the charges.

"I'm such of fan of Michael's music," gushed Tandee Hartle, one fan outside of the court house, who held a sign reading, "Popular Musicians ARE NOT GUILTY!!" "So I just can't see how he could have possibly done any of those awful things people are saying about him."

"Molestation, shmolestation," scoffed another fan. "How could a man who wrote 'Beat It' have ever committed any crimes? I just don't believe it."

Although these fans admittedly are lacking a few details relevant to Jackson's case, such as the evidence found by the prosecuting team as they combed through his mansion and testimonies of the families involved, they do have one thing: a completely irrational faith in the singer's innocence.

"Once his security guard handed me that invitation to a party at his ranch, I knew Michael didn't do it," said Jerold Turner simply. "I just had that gut feeling. I wish that vengeful District Attorney could tear his eyes away from his 'evidence' for a second or two and see things my way."

Turner brings up an interesting point; many Jackson fans view D.A. Tom Sneddon as spiteful towards Jackson, having been unable to convict him of similar charges over ten years ago.

"It just gets Tom Sneddon's goat that the King of Pop didn't molest any children, so now he's making all kinds of wild allegations not based on anything at all," Turner said. "What a bitter, sad man."

When told that Jackson, who hasn't had a hit record in over a decade, can likely not be accurately referred to anymore as the "King of Pop", Turner attempted to explain how Jackson's sales have been hampered by a variety of factors.

"People are just racist, and discriminating of someone with very strange personal habits, and not fans of terrible, critically-panned music," Turner said sadly. "It's really a shame that Michael's record sales are pulled down just because of a few negative Nancies."

Record sales and fan reactions aside, it was clear that in the court room, Jackson was being treated as any other suspected criminal would be, as Judge Rodney Melville scolded the singer for being 20 minutes late.

Fans, however, contested this, as well.

"Oh, since when do people have to be exactly on time for court appearances?" scoffed Turner. "This is just another example of the white media really coming down on a black man."

Turner paused a second, then added, "Wait, I might have that backwards...well, whatever. There's some kind of racism going on here, and I don't like it!"

Other fans say they believe in Jackson's innocence so much, they would be willing to allow their own children to stay at his Neverland Ranch.

"My son can stay at Michael's house anytime," said Martha Manhain, smiling. "Through listening to his records over the years, I can tell that he's a trustworthy man."

"Those TV specials really took him out of context," agreed another fan, referring to several British and American TV specials detailing Jackson's often-bizarre behavior, such as dangling a baby son over a hotel balcony, having sleep-overs with children over one-forth his age in the same bed as him, and more. "I think you could probably make anyone look a little strange like that if you made a documentary about them."

No matter what their reasoning, though, virtually all Jackson fans gathered outside the courthouse on Friday agreed on one thing: if they were on the jury that may judge Jackson, he would be set free as soon as the trial ended.

"I would sit there patiently, while everyone went over the evidence with me," said Turner, "and I wouldn't listen to one god damned word of it. Michael for President in 2008!"

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