Secret To Happiness At Work Is Horrible Home Life, Says Study
Almost all Americans are at least somewhat unsatisfied with their jobs, according to most of the polls regarding the topic released over the years. The most-cited reason is a lack of interest by the employee in their employment; simply put, not enough people are able to pursue the career track that they truly want, due to reasons such as lack of money, lack of time, unforeseen complications, and much more.
But is there a way to be content at the job you are in now? Must every day at work be an exercise in drudgery and monotony? For decades, many Americans have sought a positive answer to this question.
And now, scientists at MIT say they may have found it.
"Nearly any American can look forward to going to work every morning, or even make it the highlight of their day," said lead project researcher Dr. Jack Swartly. "And all it takes is some major problems at home."
In what many are calling a shocking study, Swartly and his team researched the attitudes of over 500 people towards their jobs. What they found was "stunning".
"Those who most looked forward to attending their jobs every day were those who lived in utter misery at home," Swartly said with a proud grin. "For example, one woman who worked as a secretary at a construction company told us she was able to endure the catcalls of her many male coworkers with a smile because the night before, her husband had spent hours throwing empty liquor bottles at her face."
The secretary was just one example of many other subjects in the team's study.
"There was also a man who thoroughly enjoyed waking up in the early morning to help deposit other people's waste, a job many would normally detest. This person loved it, however, because it got him away from his apartment, which is currently without running water, electricity, and portions of the floor," Swartly said. "An auto mechanic eager to get away from his cheating wife, an old messenger who is happy to run around for 12 hours a day because it gets him away from his son, who has turned into a giant beetle of some sort -- the examples go on and on."
Because of these results, the course of action Swartly and his team strongly recommend to those disliking their jobs is to significantly degrade the quality of their home lives.
"Why not consider the possibility that your significant other is bringing lovers home to the house while you are at work?" Swartly suggested. "Even if this is not true, your suspicions and accusations will surely cause a great deal of strife and tensions around the house, ensuring that your office appears like a sanctuary in comparison."
The team also recommends encouraging a family member to pick up a strong drug habit, then growing angry at their addictions; ripping insulation and wiring out of your walls to ensure uncomfortable temperature levels that cannot be controlled; introducing a population of roaches or termites into your home and letting them form several colonies; and, if you lease your home or apartment, "pissing all over" your landlord.
By following these simple methods, Swartly says, you'll be able to manifest positive feelings towards your job in almost no time at all, no matter how poor it may be.
"These methods work on nearly anyone," he said confidently. "And if it fails on you, there's always Prozac."