Advertiser Shocked To Learn Pop-up Ads Are Annoying

After doing significant research, System Tech, Inc., a company that specializes in software, reached a "startling" conclusion last week: most consumers hate pop-up ads.

System Tech spokesperson Julia Franks said yesterday at a press conference that no one at her company expected the results at all.

"Our Internet advertising wasn't working, and we wanted to find out why," she said, still visibly shaken. "But we never dreamed it was because people didn't like boxes that pop up unexpectedly on their screen when they are trying to read text or look at pictures."

"It's just so unbelievable," she added, shaking her head in disbelief.

Franks says the company attempted to improve their Internet-based advertising in a variety of ways before ultimately realizing that the pop-ups themselves were to blame for lack of consumer interest.

"We thought that maybe people weren't seeing them properly, so we made the ads flash 87 different colors, and go through hilarious animations all over the screen," she explained. "When that didn't work, we decided maybe were too easy to close, so we hid the close button way below the ad. However, that yielded no results either."

The advertising team was then struck with what they thought at the time was a brilliant idea: multiple ads that spawned out of one.

"It worked like this: when somebody tried to close our ad that advised them to visit our website and update their software for a low price, five more ads would open," she said. "And when one of those five was closed, two more would spring out after that. It was a genius plan."

Somehow, though, the plan simply fell through.

"The ads were beginning to get more exposure, but somehow, we started getting angry letters from people, saying that they hated how more and more ads kept popping up!" Franks said incredulously. "When that happened, we were just like, 'Okay, now is this the Bizarro world, or what?'"

But after realizing that it in fact was not the Bizarro world (a world from the comic Superman in which everything is opposite), but rather the normal, regular world, Franks and her team decided to do their consumer research, where they finally learned the shocking truth: people just don't like pop up ads.

"We learned that there are actually entire software programs dedicated to blocking pop-ups from ever appearing on a user's computer, and that there are actually people who will avoid visiting a website just because it has pop-ups, and that there are support groups for people who have been psychologically damaged by pop-up ads," Franks said. "We were just blown away. Pop-ups seem like the most user-friendly ad possible, but in reality, some people just find them annoying somehow."

Luckily, the company has used the research to re-evaluate its advertising focus, and it will no longer be focusing on pop-ups ads.

"Although it's a little more costly, we've moved into television ads," Franks said proudly, "and I think our new ads -- which feature a loud, screaming announcer and a silly, annoying jingle -- will go over much better with people."

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

Even More Shit:



The Beast

RSS Feed

Paying The Bills: