Super Bowl Was Fixed, Internet Commenters Prove
The Pittsburgh Steelers were victorious over the Arizona Cardinals at the end of Super Bowl XLIII, but a new informal study performed by members of the Internet community shows that the Steelers were always planned to win as part of a massive conspiracy perpetrated by the National Football League.
Almost immediately after the game ended, comments revealing the details of the fix began to surface on the pages of various sports websites.
"This game was fixed because of the amount of $$$ involved," explained user 'PoolMyFinger' on SportsIllustrated.com. "If the Cardinals won, the NFL wouldn't have made much money, because who across the United States would go around wearing 'Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl Champs' memorabilia...when the Steelers are more popular?"
PoolMyFinger, who summed up his theory with his thesis "Popularity equals more money", said that this explains why the more popular team always wins the Super Bowl, except for when they don't, which are times when the NFL "thinks people are on to their scheme".
Others echoed PoolMyFinger's sentiments, arguing that they knew the outcome of the game all along, although they waited until after the game was over to confirm the fix, presumably out of respect for "naive idiots" who believe the game was not predetermined.
"To those who watched this game: LOL," said 'BrotherSack'. "I watched it, but the whole time, I knew that the Steelers were going to win. True, they were losing in the 4th quarter with only a few minutes left to play, but then what happened? THEY WON. IT WAS OBVIOUS."
When asked whether or not he had placed a bet on the Steelers to win, making what would've been easy money off his prediction, BrotherSack wrote several racial epithets and left the forum.
How can such a seemingly-complex game be fixed? Quite easily, as it turns out, with a combination of crooked referees and paid off players capable of hyperathleticism.
"It's simple: the refs call penalties on both sides, but they often call more penalties on the side that ends up losing," said PoolMyFinger. "On top of that, certain players know when to have 'mistakes' that turn the game one way or another. These guys are premium athletes -- if they always tried their best, they would never make any mistakes, duh."
Although there seems to be consensus that the Super Bowl is clearly fixed, the community is divided on whether or not all football games fall under the same nefarious umbrella. One anonymous user attempted to resolve the argument using some inside information.
"The [team] owners get together next week to decide who gets to win next year's Super Bowl...I hear that it's going to be the [Minnesota] Vikings against the [San Francisco] 49ers," the user predicted. "And if it's two other teams, that means they picked those other teams instead."
Even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, there are still nay-sayers who believe that the games are genuine, and that this year's Super Bowl was no exception.
"I wouldn't say the Super Bowl is fixed," said user 'SteelersSuck', "but I would say that the Steelers are all cheaters who use steroids to bulk up."
He added that the Steelers -- and the city of Pittsburgh by extension -- should revise their name to the Cheatsburgh Cheaters. The suggestion is reportedly under review by the NFL.