Answering Machine Message More Stupid Than Funny

Though his original intention was to create a humorous answering machine message, Randy Johnson's recording is instead "stupid and terrible", according to neighbor and friend Bill Pundit.

"It's obvious that he tried to be funny," said Pundit, "and I think that might be part of the problem right there."

The message -- which consists of Johnson saying "I'm home right now, but I don't want to talk to you! Just kidding! Leave a message, please!" -- is merely a "desperate, pathetic cry for attention."

"He's trying to shock people with the first part of it," snorted Pundit. "But it's not shocking at all. You can just tell from the suppressed laughter in his voice that he's kidding. And then he says he's kidding. Jesus Christ."

But the worst part, explained Pundit, is the last sentence of the message, which is one of the "worst answering machine message conclusions ever created."

"'Leave a message, please!'" Pundit mimicked, his face furious. "If you couldn't tell that Randy is sort of a loser by the first part of the message, you sure as hell know when you hear that."

In fact, Pundit went on to say, potential message-leavers may in fact be discouraged by the final portion of Johnson's recording, opting to instead hang up the phone, destroying the original purpose of the answering machine itself.

"It really wouldn't surprise me if people just said, 'To hell with this joker,' and hung up the phone," he said, shaking his head disgustedly. "I know I would."

When asked if he knew of a way that Johnson could rectify his flawed message, Pundit could only give vague ideas.

"I can't think of a good one right now, but even a standard, 'Leave a message at the beep' would be better than the travesty he's got on there right now," Pundit said. "Jesus, a fucking singing message would be better than what's on there right now."

Sources indicate that Johnson is unaware of his machine message's "utter shitiness", in Pundit's words, and may still be of the opinion that it's funny.

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