BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero

Pictured: an artist's conception of the new hero.

As President Obama prepares to address the nation about the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, spill perpetrator BP is trying to emphasize the disaster's positive aspects -- namely, that it creates conditions favorable to the development of a mutant superhero.

In a press conference today, BP spokesperson Dan Snow reminded journalists that the cult classic hero Toxic Avenger arose out of toxic waste -- a close cousin of oil.

"We all know the story of how lovable Melvin Junko went from 98 lbs. of solid nerd to fearsome crime-fighting 'Monster Hero' -- all thanks to some perfectly natural toxic waste," Snow said. "It's possible, if not probable, that someone will eventually encounter our oil, and undergo a similar transformation. Perhaps even the exact same transformation."

Once mutated, Snow explained that this hypothetical hero would be able to finally put an end to "the criminal politicians who allowed us to allow this spill to happen in the first place."

"That being said," Snow added, "after seeing all the good it brought everyone, the public would probably want the oil spill to stick around -- pun definitely intended, because once that stuff touches something, like a rock or a couple of baby ducklings, it's never coming off!"

Snow also revealed that BP is internally producing a script for a CGI film based on this idea, tentatively called, "The Toxic Avenger: Triumph Of The Spill". It will debut in time for Christmas 2010, and feature the voice talents of Steve Carrell and Ben Stiller.

However, it may take more than a film about a crime-fighting, wise-cracking, oil-covered racoon to change the public's mind about the spill; in a recent poll, over 80% of Americans said they did not like oil spills, although 70% said they still liked oil, and wondered why it would do such a thing.

"When I told Obama to drill, I didn't know that this is what could happen," sobbed one Florida man. "I thought it meant we would have all the oil we needed forever, and nothing bad."

"If only we would've drilled for oil in places where it would be okay if a massive disaster happened," said another concerned citizen in Louisiana.

Few are hopeful that President Obama's address to the nation tomorrow will fix things, although the President is expected to give BP a stern look -- maybe even two.

"If the American people want an angry President, by golly, we're going to give them one," said White House Advisor David Axelrod. "I don't want to leak too much from the speech, but I can tell you that I wouldn't be surprised to hear the CEO of BP called a 'nancypants'."

Oil continues to flow into the water, and is now beginning to reach land. A BP Facebook status update describes the scene as "shiny and black like the new Xbox...kind of cool. :)"

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