Birds, Toads, Eat My Wood Shavings Jelly

Pictured: Darren Small

Cherry jam! Speaker jam! It's time for the desk to disassemble!

My name is Darren Small, and I live in Eastern Woods State Facility For The Differently Abled. Those are the words that they trained me to say. I had a session with Dr. Black, and he said to me, "Darren, aren't you a saxophone rump?" And I said to Dr. Steven, "That's for the plaster egg yolks to say." Because it was.

Ladies and gentleman of the jury, to-day I remarked to the large mountain of dust in my room which I have been making over the past few months, "It's time to get a new watch!" This was funny, because the dust does not currently have a watch to look at. I won again! Then I played checkers with the different pieces: large stone, dead mouse, piece of green olive. "King me!" I told the dust. "God damnit, compact discs are not part of your warrantee!"

Then Joe, the security rectum from outside my door, came in and told me that if I didn't leap as I high as I could, I wouldn't be able to lick the dandelion gas. Joe is sometimes mean, but only when he is whacking the side of my head because me no thinks not so good no longer more electrical socket Kool Aid.

"Time for your medicine!" Dr. Cactus said sometime later in a land far away. "Oh, shit cakes and varnish!" I exclaimed, and ran away from him into the land of the lavender marmalade. But it was too late, because there was a large wall in the way, and I split my head open, whereupon a large lampshade escaped from it and told me to eat my greens.

To-day was activity day, and so me and a few other of the pear trees went to play Chutes And Lizards, which is a game that makes you urinate in your cockles. Luckily, I did, and so I won the prize: a large amount of fur-covered yellow. It was the happiest day of my life, and so I said, "Hey everyone! I have decided to run for President!"

"You ain't President!" Lucky argued with me, and so before anyone could stop me I bit a large part of his nose off. I told him that I might not be President, but at least I can fly!

Now I am locked in my room for a while so that I can think about the nails and Fruit Loops. I did, and I found out something important: while it may be the size of the fig that is primary, patterned locks are the stereos of the kings.

Darren Small is a resident at the Eastern Woods State Facility For The Differently Abled. He hopes to one day consume the fruited wallpaper.

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