What Part Of 'Never Forget' Don't You Understand?

Pictured: Frank Patriot

I saw an ad for a movie on the television, America, that looked pretty good to me, which is surprising coming from a medium that constantly hates America. It was called "World Trade Center", and although I haven't actually seen it due to my policy on not leaving my house until the terror alert color is back down to grayish-green, I can tell it's a good homage to the sacred day that I don't have to say (SEPTEEEEMMBER ELEEEEVEENNNTH JEEEESUS CRYING EEEEAGLE). No sodomy-loving cowboys, no superheroes prancing around insinuating that the Department of Homeland Security doesn't do a good enough job protecting us from terrorists -- just a policeman trying to do his job for America. Whoever directed this movie obviously loves his government very, very much.

But that's when it hit me, America, as I watched this preview: why should they even have to make this movie? Think about it: if everyone in this nation was truly NEVER FORGETTING like we're all supposed to, World Trade Center would seem redundant. It would be like seeing a movie called "Breathing" or "Watch Out For Arabs" -- common knowledge that doesn't need a big-screen adaptation. So why make it? Because as chilling as the thought is, the fact is simple: people are not never forgetting.

Jeez, America! What the heck was the one main thing that we all tried to tell each other in those dark days of 2001? "NEVER FORGET," we said to each other, proudly wearing flag shirts and getting huge Statue of Liberty tattoos on our chests. "We will never forget this forever." But now look at the sorry state of this nation. We need a movie to remind us to be patriotic, and to remember that at any second, we could all die.

Not forgetting is the best defense we have against everyone outside of our not-protected-enough borders, sitting there and gnashing their teeth as they think of how much they hate our freedoms. If we just don't forget, and base our decisions on the knowledge that everything we do should stop terrorism somehow, we might be a little safer maybe. Not that that means we can stop forgetting or stop fighting terror, but that with a little luck and a lot of love from Jesus, we'll see the sun rise tomorrow, and maybe it will be red, white, and blue, just like in my dreams.

Do you understand the weight of what I'm saying? Never forgetting isn't something you can do easily. You have to apply it to every stage of your life. I've heard that some people have the nerve to complain about certain things they can't bring on planes after terrorists tried to attack some planes in some other place besides America. But if those people had never forgotten like they PROMISED, they wouldn't have even one single liberal whine. True patriots crack open their shoes and rip their gel inserts out as fast as can be if the security officer asks them to, and maybe even volunteers his or her rectum for a cavity search, because that's what never forgetting is all about.

Think about all the times you didn't not forget, America. Maybe you took that one cab even though it had a driver whose hair looked like a towel was wrapped around it before he came to work. Maybe you didn't report your neighbor who had that one bumper sticker once that you didn't really get, but that you thought was probably anti-American in some way. In some way, we've all been guilty of not not forgetting at some point since 9/11. Heck, I myself have even slipped up, when I once threw away, without proper shredding, a map I had been drawing of possible Iraq strike points that I was going to suggest to the government. Who knows what kind of race or religion my garbage man is? I sure don't, because when he comes I hide in the closet with a rifle pointed at the door. Why do I do that? Because I don't know what race or religion he is, and he could get the drop on me...or read my attack plans in the garbage. Do you see what I mean about never forgetting, America? It can be a costly mistake to forget to not forget.

Please don't misunderstand my editorial as being anti-American in some way, because I'm not suggesting that America isn't great enough to destroy all of its enemies simultaneously if it really wanted to. It is...as long as everyone in America is acting like an American, and if you don't never forget, you're not being an American. Not not forgetting sounds more like something Fidel Castro would do, and you're not Fidel Castro...are you?

Frank Patriot is a true American who lives at an undisclosed location somewhere in America. He currently spends his time never forgetting.

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