You Go, Protesters -- I Also Protest Health Care!

Pictured: Nancy Normal

It's not often that I get political, but this time, it's personal! And political! It's personally political (try getting your brains around that one)! The government wants to do something to us involving health care, and I don't like it. Neither does my husband, and that's why I'm here!

You see, Hubby came home more furious than usual last night. Normally, he just falls asleep on the couch while watching cable news, but this time, even my world-famous lasagna couldn't soothe him!

It was all because of something he heard about health care, and President Saddam Hussein Obama. After hearing all the facts, I can safely say that if things are half as bad as my husband said, then we're all in trouble. Get your bags packed, Americans -- it's time to move to Canada, where we don't have to worry about stupid stuff like this!

(Plus, did you hear that Obama isn't even from America? I knew there was something funny about the way he looks -- like a guy in the supermarket who wants to take my cart and have his way with it, if you catch my drift! But I digress.)

To be honest, I can't remember too many specifics from what my husband was saying, but the one thing I did take away is this: there are a lot of people just like us standing up at town hall meetings and protesting health care. To that, I say, "Yay!" We don't need health care, especially because my husband's company covers my prescription for those "magic beans" I need. If President Obama thinks he's going to come between a happy Mama and her happy pills, he's going to have to go through my skillet -- or a loaded shotgun to blow a few holes through his chest!

Now, I'm no feminist radical -- in fact, if I forget to shave even one hair from under my arm, it's the shed again for me -- but there's nothing worse than letting terrible things like health care go on around you without doing anything about it. So, after I cleaned up the lasagna that my husband threw on the floor (he said the it was too dry, and that I should make him a better one out of gratitude for him working so hard to buy me the expensive hand lotion I love, and he's so right), I decided that we should also go to a town hall meeting ourselves. Unfortunately, I don't know where the town hall is, and my husband was already asleep by the time I had finished making our second dinner, so I didn't go.

But I'll tell you what I did do: stand in support of the protesters I've been hearing so much about! I watched a little bit about you guys on the TV that Hubby left on while he snoozed (and good thing he did -- I'll be darned if I can figure out how to use that crazy remote control myself, which is like programming the space shuttle!), and I have to say that I'm impressed. If you had buttons, I'd wear one! All you protesters need to do is make a series of pins and bumper stickers that say things like, "Keep your filthy hands off my health care!" or, "My child is an honor student at Naperville thanks to you, President Obama." Make sure they have a little ribbon in the corner!

Okay, I'll be totally honest -- I'm in awe of you, protesters. It's not that I don't oppose health care, but I just don't have it in me to stand up in the middle of a crowded room and ask why the government wants to give us health care that kills us, and turn the meeting into complete chaos! That's amazing! That's what you -- the protesters -- and I can agree on: we have to disrupt the town halls where people get together to talk about this stuff, because if we don't, then they'll eventually pass laws. But if we (meaning "you") keep making a ruckus, then nothing will ever get done, and people will eventually forget about this health care gobbly-gook. Way to go!

I mean, let's face it: it would be nice if people didn't go bankrupt because they got sick, but how is that even possible? If you want to avoid bad luck, you need to work hard, like me. I slave over the oven to make a perfect casserole for my husband's poker night, and if I don't do it just right, then he may humiliate me in front of all his friends, and tell me to go do something right and get him a cold beer. That's the kind of commitment you have to have to get things like a husband and your goody-pills! But until people like President Barak Bin Laden and all of his supporters understand that, then I stand firmly with the protesters who I admire so much, and I'm sure they'll all join me in saying, "We oppose health care, Mr. President!"

Nancy Normal is happily married in Deerfield, Illinois. She firmly believes that men are from Mars, women are from Venus, and health care is from Boreth.

Nancy Normal is a full-time housewife in Tellersville, PA. She has recently joined Sarah Palin in her "Death Camps 09" national tour.

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