I'm Not A Rage-aholic, Some Things Just Make Me Mad

Pictured: Pete Dunson

You know, lately the wife and kids have always been on me about how I need to "control my temper", and how I may be a "rage-aholic". Sure, I may not be the most tolerant guy in the world, but I'm sure not a rage-aholic! Some things just aggravate me, that's all.

Our cat, for instance. He's always skulking around his food dish, wanting some goddamned food scraps or something. Well, he's not getting anything. Christ, I just fed him yesterday! What does he think, money just sporadically generates itself on my fucking floor so he can just eat his little heart out and I'll just buy more? Does he?!?!? Goddamnit, I'm going to nail his food-wanting ass to the wall for that, oh GOD!

Or when the television remote doesn't work quite the way I want it to; like when I have to adjust my aim slightly so the signals will reach the set correctly. If they can't make something so that I don't have to constantly be screwing with it and wasting my goddamned TV time, they shouldn't make it at all!! And I know it's not just one remote, either, since I have to buy a new one every week because I always break them over my kids' heads.

My kids, that's another pet peeve of mine. They're always getting hurt, whining that they "don't feel well", or that they "need to go to the hospital". Do they have just any son-of-a-bitching clue how much hospital bills are? DO THEY? I don't slave away at my God-forsaken job just to pay off hos-fucking-pital fees!! So Timmy can just walk on his shattered ankle for a while, damnit!!!!

Another thing that makes me mad is the way my coworker, John, eats his lunch at break time. He's just so prim and proper, always swiping at his stupid mouth with a napkin. What does he think, that he's better than me? Huh? Yeah, that's it, make fun of old Pete, he's a goddamned slob. Well, fucking John, who's laughing now, Mr. I'm-At-The-Bottom-Of-The-Ocean-With-My-Jugular-Ripped-To-Shreds? Huh?

Like I said, I'm a pretty reasonable guy. It's just I have a few problems with some of life's little bitches it likes to throw at me. No big deal.

Pete Dunson lives in rural Pennsylvania, and is an active member of his community. He can often be found wondering why life has to be so motherfucking difficult.

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