EV @ The Movies: 2Fast 2Furious

OK, look. As the official movie critic for the Enduring Vision, I was expecting to make 2Fast 2Furious the best movie of all time. I expected it to even top XXX.

I know, I know. You would never have thought it would have had a chance to be better than XXX, but I was going to give it a shot.

But much to my surprise, VIN DIESEL IS NOT IN 2FAST 2FURIOUS!!!!!!!!

"What the fuck?" the entire crowd shouted when the opening credits concluded without listing Diesel's name.

Everyone threw their drinks and popcorn into the air and immediately left the theater. But as the official EV movie critic, I felt obligated to at least give it a shot. I mean, Vin Diesel WAS in the first one.

So by myself, I sat there and viewed the best movie without Vin Diesel EVER. Boy, was that crowd wrong to leave.

It started off with a totally realistic race featuring a 50 foot jump over a raised bridge, which only three of the four cars managed to make the jump. The race ended with the white guy winning, the girl in second, the African-American in third, and the Latino in fourth, hinting at the writer's racist background.

But when the badass, Tyrese, came on the screen, I'm positive no one watching the film could keep their eyes off those abs. When that dark chocolate took off his shirt to break the window with his fist, I swear I could hear people ooing in the background.

And don't worry, we kept seeing Tyrese the whole movie, for he was the "replacement" for Diesel. Yes, no one could possible live up to that title, but Tyrese did the best he could.

Paul Walker was also back, and his lines were even more brilliant in this movie. In this film, Walker is now without a badge due to his letting of Diesel go, but let's face it -- who wouldn't have?

Probably the best scene in the movie was at the very end when the car housing Tyrese and Walker takes a sharp turn out of nowhere and goes up a ramp to land on top of a speeding boat. How Walker, the driver, knew that a ramp was there, which was much discussed before the two went on it, the crowd will never know. But I assume that it was due to Walker's gut instinct. I mean, he is a street racer , after all.

Their car then flew into the air and landed atop the arch villain's boat, for Walker perfectly timed the car's movements to match the boat, which was traveling about 70 mph across a bay in Florida. Walker never stopped impressing us, which is why this movie is so enjoyable.

So there you have it folks, the next best movie to any Vin Diesel movie out there. With Vin Diesel in it, and I will dare to say it, it would have easily been the best movie ever, but without the star, it can only come close.

Overall Rating: A+

In Other News

U.S.
Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

U.S.
Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

Sports
LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Politics
Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

Video
The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Letters
Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

World
U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

U.S.
BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Health
Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

Even More Shit:

twitter

HumorFeed

The Beast

RSS Feed

Paying The Bills:

--------------------