EV @ The Movies: Gran Torino
When I heard that Clint Eastwood had a new movie coming out, the idea of seeing it in the theater filled me with a deep scowl. I knew that since Clint Eastwood is a senior citizen, many of my fellow moviegoers would be, too. It was a sure bet that they would loudly explain to one another what was happening on screen, helpfully yelling things like "THAT IS HIS PRIEST" and "THOSE GUYS WILL GO TO JAIL".
Even so, I decided to press on and attend a showing of Gran Torino. Two things happened: 1) elderly people surrounded me, and helped me realize what it would be like to be blind and have somebody scream the movie's plot points to me, and 2) I realized that Gran Torino could be the start of the greatest six or seven movies of our lifetimes.
Don't get me wrong -- the first one was okay. It definitely helps to set up the sequels. Clint Eastwood is a bad ass who owns a muscle car, and isn't afraid to say one-liners to minorities and elitist jerks who get in his way. Think about it: what other recent movie series began this way, and eventually earned its crown as the best film series of the new millennium? That's right: Fast And The Furious. In fact, this movie could have been a new entry in that series (Fast And The Furious: 2hot, 2orino), and it still would have made a lot of sense. They just would have needed to put in a few races.
But now that the first Gran Torino is over and done with, it's time to look towards the sequels. I have included a brief breakdown below of what each sequel might be about:
- Gran Torino: Speedtown, USA -- In this summer blockbuster, Clint Eastwood moves to a new town to get away from his painful memories from the first movie (these would be shown in a series of flashbacks every 10 minutes to make sure everyone remembered). What he doesn't realize is that the new town is named Speedtown, and it's full of young punks with something to prove. In the end, they learn that Clint Eastwood has age and wisdom on his side, and knows all about car tools. The last scene of the movie is one of the punks doing something that makes Clint Eastwood scowl at first, but then he breaks into laughter and says, "You guys!" Everyone laughs.
- Gran Torino: New Blood, Old School -- The third in the initial Gran Torino trilogy reveals that Clint Eastwood has a son who never knew him. The son comes to Speedtown to show his stuff, and ends up challenging Clint Eastwood on the basketball court, and trying to take his woman (played by the most popular Latina actress of 2010). But just as Clint Eastwood is about to kill his own son, a doctor bursts in with a paternity test, and the two realize that they are related. At the very end, you find out that Clint Eastwood has a daughter, too, who is very hot, but also an expert mechanic.
- Gran Torino: U C8nt St0p Tha T0rin0 -- Clint Eastwood is dead, but he has left behind a series of tapes that he made right before he left the Earth. These tapes instruct three different troubled people to go through a series of traps, each one diabolically designed to force them to make a difficult choice that ends up teaching them valuable lessons about living their lives and not being liars. Let the game begin.
I'm no Hollywood writer, but I'm pretty sure that any one of these ideas would be a great direction to take this hot new franchise in. Clint Eastwood has finally succeeded in making a movie that people who aren't art snobs or 45 year-old women care about, and now, he has to run with it. My guess? He'll come up with something we haven't even thought of yet, like a crossover movie with Jason Statham reprising his role from The Transporter.
Overall Rating: A+ (multiply pluses by eventual number of sequels)
