EV @ The Movies: Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban

We are living in a time now where there are a lot of reasons to go to the movies; war; rising gas prices; and swearing disgusting pigs and chest-bearing women on the radio and television are among them. It's nice to go into the theater and just escape for a little while. But many children might not know that when you go into the movies, depending on the film you see, you might be forgetting about other things, too. Things like Jesus.

This is the case with the new Harry Potter movie, entitled "Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban". The title is bad enough in and of itself, conjuring up scary images of prison rape -- and consequently homosexuality -- for our innocent children. If you ask me, the movie's title and trailer should not be allowed to be broadcast on television before 3 AM, when only the weirdos and perverts are watching anyway so it doesn't make a difference. But we're not here to discuss the title, as bad as it is. Because guess what? I saw the whole movie, and while it did make me forget about the war and nasty words like "d***it", it made me all too aware of something even worse: Satanism and evil, and anti-Jesus propaganda.

In case you haven't heard of the Harry Potter books and movies, I'll give you a little rundown of this "character" (and believe me, he's a character, all right): Harry Potter, a little boy created by a British author who is widely known to be a witch, somehow has magical powers that enable him to do Satanic things, like make things float around in the air and such. He goes to an entire school to encourage his sorcerer's behavior along with his little friends, Hermani and Ronald. Scared yet? I haven't even gotten to the plot of this latest movie. Well, I shouldn't really say "plot", since I was too busy making judgments to really notice any kind of storyline. But I did notice some horrific details of the film.

For example: there is a running theme throughout the movie of premarital, teenage sex between Hermani and Ronald, as they are constantly brushing hands, hugging each other, and generally just acting very Sexual. The implication is that whenever Harry is off-screen, the two of them are fornicating at frantic speeds behind closed doors. They are only supposed to be around 14 years old, but that shouldn't be shocking: these days, kids are mating at around age four, and this movie sure isn't helping anything. Even worse: later, Hermani and Harry also hug, suggesting that Hermani is a big slut who will have sex with anything that moves, and consequently encouraging young girls who watch the film to do the same. I'll tell you who the real prisoner of Azkaban is: Hermani's virginity!

Are you horrified yet? How does this sound: in this PG-rated movie, there is a scene where Harry and his friends do LSD, otherwise known as "acid" or "street-rocks-crack". That's right, old Mr. Potter and his friends sit around in a circle and take various pills, or "bongs", in order to duplicate various animal sounds. The scene tries to disguise itself as just being silly magick, but being a follower of Jesus, I saw through its thin facade immediately. It seems that Satan worshippers will leave no place untouched in trying to spread their drugs to children.

Of course, even the movie's sex and drugs can't compare to the true evil of the film, and one that's been prominent in all Harry Potter movies: the anti-Jesus spells and sorcery. In practically every scene, each child runs around with a wand in their hand, ready to denounce God and conjure up Daemons at every step. They cast spells by uttering bizarre words that are most likely the Lord's Prayer said backwards. Although they didn't come right out and say it, the message here is clear: Jesus is stupid, and wizardry rules. Thanks, Harry Potter. You just destroyed the chances of 100 million children of ever getting into Heaven.

As a Christian mother who values things like safety and love, I can safely say that no human being who wishes to call themselves a decent person should even think about seeing or saying the name of Harry Potter. If you'd like your child to run around jamming his magick wand up his little friends' genitalia and anuses, all the while screaming strange, garbled spells and taking pills to sound like lions, by all means take them to see Harry Potter: The Prisoner Of Azkaban. Just make sure you listen carefully for Satan and Ozzy Osbourne in the background of the movie, laughing because they won your souls.

Overall Rating: F--- (triple minus)

Special thanks to our guest reviewer, who identifies herself only as a "concerned Christian mother". She currently lives in Ohio, and spends most of her time writing letters to the FCC about bare stomachs on television.

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