EV @ The Movies: Team America: World Police

What’s funnier than puppets? Nothing. That’s right: there is nothing in the known universe that is funnier than puppets. Farting? Not quite. Poop? That’s getting pretty close, but still not as good. The fact is, aside from maybe midgets, nothing beats puppets in terms of sheer hilarity, and this is a fact that the makers of Team America: World Police are clearly aware of. That alone would guarantee this movie a good score, but it goes above and beyond mere humor with an important message: that if you are famous, you should keep any views you have very secret and private. Are you listening, Michael Moore (more like Michael Less!)?

Team America is a group of action heroes that go around the world in order to hunt and kill terrorists, something that I found very realistic. But the problem is the evil Film Actor’s Guild, or F.A.G. for short, wants to stop them. Is it a coincidence that the abbreviation for the Film Actor’s Guild is a derogatory word for a homosexual, or are the movie’s makers really suggesting that the people in the Film Actor’s Guild are “gay” (not homosexual, but stupid)? Personally, I think it’s just a coincidence, because this would be an extremely clever joke to make and I’m not sure anyone would even see it coming, because it requires a lot of analysis and smart thinking. Still, it’s sort of a funny coincidence (if you get it, that is!).

Anyway, F.A.G. is comprised of famous celebrities like Alec Baldwin, Tim Robbins, and Matt Damon, who have to go and act like jerks because they spread their political views all over the place. Bad form, guys! Everybody knows that if you have strong convictions, the proper thing to do is keep them to yourself and not tell anyone what you think…famous people included! This is especially true for Michael Moore, who made a whole career out of making movies about what he thinks! What an asshole! Fortunately, the makers of Team America think so too, and they decided to make a movie about what they think. And you know something? I’m sure glad they did.

Besides its true-yet-subtle message, the movie also has lots of laughs, especially when the puppets do sexual things. I know what you’re thinking – did I just say “puppet sex”? Well, I didn’t say exactly that, but I might as well have, because the movie has that! Puppet sex, I mean! That’s right, you get to see actual puppets having sex, and once you do, I think you’ll agree that a scene featuring two marionettes simulate a reproductive action is something that everyone can enjoy, and not just people in 7th grade. One minor complaint: there was one missed opportunity for additional humor in the sex scene, since neither of the puppets urinated at all, which would have been even funnier than taking your sister’s doll, putting food-colored water in it, and squeezing it out so that you’re pretending it’s peeing! Wait: that actually was in the movie, but the ratings board took it out! Special Edition DVD, here I come! What doesn’t this movie have?

I’ll tell you what it doesn’t have: boring parts. Thanks to being a big drawn-out parody of a big action-blockbuster Jerry Bruckheimer movie, there’s humor at every turn. Even at parts that don’t seem like they’re funny, just imagine a Jerry Bruckheimer movie doing the exact same thing! Sorry, Jerry, but these guys are too smart for you! If that doesn’t work, just imagine the characters cursing and that will make you laugh. Chances are, they’ll already be cursing anyway.

This movie is probably the funniest thing ever, but it’s smart, too. If you’re looking for a little substance to your puppet sex, Team America is perfect for you, in that it contains a very astute message: making a message – like Michael Moore’s movies, for example – out of your views is just plain wrong. In that respect, I guess Team America will probably hunt me down now, but since those guys are so darn funny, I don’t even care! Fart!

Overall Rating: A++

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