Lord Of The Rings And Ninja Turtles: Radical Ring Power (Part I)

Pictured: copyright-fraudilicious art for our upcoming book.

I. The Cool Guys And Their Pizza
"Hey, dudes!" Michelangelo exclaimed, backflipping into the room on a skateboard. "Cowabunga!"

"Okay, okay," Leonardo admonished, walking across the room awesomely by using his swords as stilts. "Let's have that pizza now!"

"Oh, you two guys are talking so loud, it's almost stopping me from using my brain to invent awesome new gadgets for us to use, like this Turtle Shotgun that I just invented to kill Shredder even faster," Donatello piped up, typing quickly and awesomely on his Turtle Keyboard. "But I guess I could use some food to refill my brain power, which I need to keep making awesome inventions!"

"Ah, shaddup, everyone, and give me some of that pizza!" shouted Raphael, sounding mean but actually just being a wisenheimer, because that's what he is known for.

"Oh, Raph, you're just a wisenheimer!" yelled the other three turtles in unison, and Raph smiled and laughed good-naturedly.

"I guess I am," he agreed. "Now I'll take a pepperoni, please!"

Everyone laughed some more.

II. Frodo And The Missing Pizza
"Just wait a darn minute, guys!" Donatello remarked, alarmed. "My massive brain is looking at this pizza box, and it's telling me something!"

"What is it, for Pete's sake?" Raphael cried, but Leonardo quickly somersaulted over and placed a hand on his arm.

"Take it easy, bro," he admonished, gently squeezing Raphael's soft, supple arm. "That's not the turtle way."

Donatello furiously and awesomely typed on his computer, then announced, "Guys, I hate to break it to you, but this pizza's gone! It's been taken to another dimension!"

"Whoa, major bummer!" Michelangelo groaned, smacking himself in the face with his nunchucks in a funny way.

"Come on, Mike," Leonardo admonished, sliding his hand over Michelangelo's shell. "This is no time for jokes. Could this be the work of Shredder?"

Just then, a portal opened up in the middle of the room with a giant "WISSSHICCCKLE" sound! Out from the portal stepped Frodo Baggins, swirling in purple mist with a glowing, awesome ring around his neck!

"Hey, who is this clown?" Raphael screamed, quickly whipping out some ninja stars and throwing them quickly at Frodo's head. But out from behind Frodo stepped Gandalf, who simply held out his hand and the ninja stars fell to the ground.

"We must work together, you strange, mutant green creatures that look sort of like Turlias!" Gandalf told them. "Turlias are what we call Turtles in the land we come from: the land of Middle Earth!"

"Middle Earth?" Michelangelo joked. "Is that some kind of in-between planet? Bummer!"

"Actually, Mike, Middle-Earth is another land that exists differently from our land!" Donatello informed him, hooking up several computers. "It's a scientific factoid!"

"Quiet, you three," Leonardo admonished. "Frodo and Gandalf, are you trying to tell us that the evil Sauron and Shredder have joined forces to take our pizza and use it in a device that will enslave all of Middle Earth and steal the Ring of Power?"

"Yes, precious," Gollum hissed, emerging from the porthole. "Me wants me precious pizza and ring, me will sometimes help you but me wants me's precious!"

"Hmm, I don't trust that guy," thought Donatello, but he kept it to himself and concentrated on building a satellite.

III. The Gang In New York
"Well, we ought to get going to Middle Earth to stop this madness," screamed Raphael, stomping his foot like a wisenheimer.

"We will, but first we must journey through the strange streets of New York, which are strange and alien to us," explained Gandalf. And so the group was off.

"Hmm, you humans have a lot of crime," remarked Frodo as they walked. "You humans could learn a lot from us in Middle Earth."

"Dude, we're not humans -- we're turtles!" Michelangelo joked, and everyone was laughing, even Leonardo and Gandalf, and even Gollum, who kept looking suspiciously at the ring on Frodo's neck with desire and longing.

"Hang on, gang," Frodo warned, pointing to the horizon. "Looks like we've got company!"

"UH...OH!" everyone cried in unison, seeing a dark wave of ninjas and Orcs mixed together coming at them!

"Uh, can we panic now?" Michelangelo asked. "Tubular!"

"I think so, Mike," Leonardo admonished, giving Michelangelo's head a soft lick of comfort. "I think so!"

Continue to Part II »

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