Letters: February 4, 2007

We're back in business after a looong hiatus, and for the first time, I simply can't publish all of the letters we received due to the high volume. So, when you notice a distinct lack of many comments about this being an actual news site or a large piece of cheese, don't think that people suddenly got smarter. I know I can count on your continued misanthropy, and if I can't, come back next week, when I'll be back to publishing everything!

It's too close to the hiatus for me to use my brain.

"Racist Comment Diluted By Use Of Politically Correct Terminology"

To those who are considered "educated" and "intellectual", let the ignorant learn from the ignorant and let the wise continue to conquer and be free. The educational status of certain types of individuals, who seem to have "all the answers" and "great new discoveries", does not seem to righteously bolster them or do them any honor, justice or truth. This "diluting" of race comments is no new discovery....sorry to have to be the one to expose the obviously slow and self hindering progress of learning for some individuals. This process is as old as the hate that is and has been eating at everything from the educational, institutional, business, commerce, personal, cultural and the very blood line of this and every other land that perpetrates it. The fool is the one who adopts this hate and expects to get any lasting benefit from it. This hate is causing our country's demise.....like cancer. We are foolish to think that this hate or insensitivity is good or okay. Hate is murder.....pure and simple. Hate just begets more hate..haven't we learned that yet? It is because of this same hate that our country is dangerously in trouble with terrorism and the inability to execute proper measures to rid of these terrorist and terrorist cells that are right in our neighborhoods. Everyone is pointing fingers while simultaneously contributing to every type of condemned vile act imaginable themselves.....what a bunch of hypocrites. The most important thing to note is that to keep power, control and dominion, one has to study and realize the REAL truth and apply it and operate in it while abiding by it. Get it together before we completely destroy this country with this hate. - S.M.Allen

Josh: I'd like to answer your letter seriously, but before I can I need to know what color you are so I can couch my language appropriately.

Late, but still appreciated!

Happy 6th anniversary guys, and heres to six more!(?) - acrossthepond

Josh: Oh yeah, it was our 6th anniversary before the hiatus! Man, what happened on that day? Our other website friends took us out and got us hammered, and before we knew it it was February and the page hadn't been updated.

Internet mouths.

Seriously dudes, whats with the slacking....you've got internet mouths to feed, remember ? And by mouths, i mean bored and stoned students, and by head i mean some of that sweet, sweet satire action.

This came out kinda weird. - Siddharth

Josh: That wasn't weird at all, my stoned friend. It was actually one of the steamiest letters I've ever seen having to do with internet satire, besides the ones to me personally that I can't publish due to their graphic nature. Their graphic sensual nature.

Hiatus reaction.

Shucks! I will miss you. But I do appreciate how very hard it must be to keep coming up with the great material you've given us. Take care and I will hope to see you soon. - Judy

Josh: It's actually very easy coming up with the things we post on the website, but I have a rare memory condition that causes me to forget everything I learn from day to day, so I have to constantly relearn HTML to update the site, but it's okay because Adam Sandler made me a videotape to show me how much everyone loves me.

Fresh-baked cookies!

I almost pissed myself reading this. I'll be sure to carry fresh baked cookies around when I want to pick up girls. - zero

Josh: It's true! Carrying around cookies shows a girl that you don't think she's yet fat enough to go without eating cookies. In the same way, showing a girl a few condoms in your wallet lets her know that you are not impotent, and are able to have sex should the situation require you to do so.

Not funny?

really not funny at all, sorry.
- lily munoz

Josh: Actually it is. OH SNAP WHO'S NEXT

Okay, we had to print this one.

This is an absurd and false article. If any of you have ever studied the Catholic religion and its beleifs, then you should know that this is totally wrong. I am sure the Pope would never have said this, and he did not say this. Please people don't write anything out of ignorace. Research. That is all you need to do to know how absurd this article is. It is obviously written by an anti-Catholic person, which in my experience is the devil himself trying to lure peoplr away from the one true Christian faith. - Kim

Josh: Man, I wish Satan wrote satire articles for us. I'm sure they'd have to be better than mere mortal writing, or at the very least filled with more things to cause the reader suffering.

This hurts us just as much as it hurts you.

Hi, I'm a longtime fan of this site, and I was just wondering when the EV will be back. I lack purpose, meaning and the will to live when the EV is on hiatus, so please hurry back before this becomes more than just a cry for help - Scott B, Assistant Editor in Chief of the Enduring Vision

Josh: For those of you who wanted proof that a) Scott's life consists of little more than watching Sanford and Son and writing for the Enduring Vision, and b) that hiatuses are always my fault, here you go.

A gap in the lives of our readers.

OK, now I really am getting worried about you. I understand writer's block -- yeah, I've been blocked all my life! And I can't even imagine how hard it must be to keep coming up with funny stuff. But, Josh, something is definitely missing from my life with EV gone. Come home. - Judy

Josh: I've never really realized it before, Judy, but you're right: the Internet is my one true home. I think when people die, they go into the Internet. I believe I'll start a religion based on this belief, actually. Who wants to pay me some money for some introductory literature?

A gap in the lives of our readers, part II.

how dare you say angelina will adopt baby suri, she could not even raise her own shiloh, with the kind of environment shiloh right she will grow up rebell and without regards to moral values. Baby suri has the parents anybody wanted to have, very loving, very protective, very rich, angelina is only 10% of what tomkat is worth. Soooo disgusting, camp of angelina is so pathetic. no match - lovely

Josh: Funny you should use the word "pathetic"...

Truth is stranger than...something...

While I'm glad to hear of your imminent return after long months in rehab, I should warn you that the AP and Reuters have largely taken over in your absence. I only hope those little green men you were talking to in your weeks of hallucinatory convalescence were more inspiring than the news which transpired while you were... indisposed - Pete

Josh: Your comment is especially timely considering last week's news of one of the Mooninites wreaking havok all over Boston. When it happened, I initially thought, "Oh my sweet Internet, I wish we were out of hiatus now," but I began to realize that the event was too close to parody already. How the hell can you make light of something like that while adding anything meaningful to the conversation? The world is aiming to take my job (the non-paying one) away from me, and I don't like it.

Your King has returned.

Thats the stupid fucking thing I've ever saw.I hope you burn in hell. - Joe Remines

Josh: In my religion, the closest thing to "hell" we have is banishment to some terrible place on the internet, like a shemale porn site or something. So I couldn't really "burn" there, Joe. Would you be interested in a $50 test to see if your personality is a good fit for Intertology?

Compromising national security.

I don't know how took it, but it's the swedish prime minister who covers Bush's back... - Pegasus

Josh: As erotic as that sounds, I think this is a good place to stop the letters. One more letter like that and we could blow the lid on some U.S. program that it's running to stop the terrorists from winning.

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