Letters: May 18, 2009

Shocking scientists everywhere, we received several coherent, publishable letters this week! This website will cure cancer and AIDS yet, we're sure of it.

Okay, So Not All Of Them Are Coherent.

Hi. In the future I'm going to keep here links to their sites. But I do not worry about the sites where my link is removed. So if you do not want to see a mountain of links, simply delete this message. After 2 weeks, I will come back and check. - Caley

Josh: Although we have no prior correspondence with this person and have no idea what they're referring to, I actually would be pretty curious to see what a mountain of links looks like, so yeah. Do that.

To Boldly Copy Like No Film Has Copied Before.

This was a funny movie review. That is until I actually saw the movie, and you were RIGHT! A shameless rip-off of Wagon Train. - Anakin

Josh: Now we're getting somewhere! If you like Star Wars, never watch any of the old Buck Rogers movies...pretty much the same thing.

Pedophiles: Should They Be Given A Chance?

Hi I think that this is the best thing companies can do because prowling on little girls is not a lifestyle but a sickness and we should not give them the chance to expose our innocent children to their life trauma and torment - cody

Josh: Okay, how about a compromise: they get one chance, but if they blow that, it's all over. Plus, I have a feeling some of those "kids" were actually just short adults.

The EV: Now In Russian!

You've been translated into Russian (or something)!


Just thought you might get a kick out of that. Stay cool - Ian

Josh: We're a little flattered, but mostly alarmed that the Soviets now possess our humor technology. Until now, they've only had Yakov Smirnoff to get by on.

Your Source For The Latest Gossip!

So are they getting a divorce - Kayleen

Josh: No, but Jon is getting a sex change, because Kate has become a lesbian. Thanks for writing!

A Reader From The Before-Time!

Great to see you guys back up and functioning again. Kudos on the new layout. Seriously sexy. Just one request, and I'm sure this has come up before. BRING BACK YAHOO MOVIE USER REVIEWS!!! (Please) If there ever existed emperical evidence for the decline of western civilization, that feature was IT. Bring it back. - Siddharth

Josh: We're very glad you found your way back home, Siddharth, but here's the deal: we're trying to be extra-super-mindful of copyright issues with the new site, and our team of expensive lawyers warned us that reprinting content from Yahoo! might not be the best way to go about following the law. But we promise to continue looking into it, and to keep doing other (hopefully) hilarious things in the meantime, such as say "FART" in all capital letters. That's a good one.

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

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