Letters: August 27, 2006

A small backlog of letters from our hiatus means a larger-than-usual edition, but cool TV shows coming on soon means we don't feel like answering them. Read on to find out how we reconcile these two facts!


:) You're so sexy when you're mad! - Toni Lea

Josh: Wait, who? Barry Goldwater? I guess he is kinda hot in that stodgy old conservative kind of way.

Oooh, burn.

you stupid fukin "goth" - fuck

Josh: Now that's just hurtful.

Wait, does she get it?!

You rock, I laughed my ass off..Hey, I am more goth than you...j/k lol - Luna

Josh: Are you sure you don't want to write a woefully idiotic insult, or write a painfully long letter that tries to correct a satirical editorial written by a fictional character? I really don't know if you understand the point of a Goth Gary letter.

She gets it.

that article is the most pathetic thing i've ever read in my entire life and i don't give a shit if i tell you because it was so stupid.. you don't even want to know how dakr my past is im spooky ohhh... no actually your a freak who craves attention and needs a life because actually when you walk through the malls you look like a tard.. omg jus get a life! - Melissa

Josh: No way, you're a freak. Get a life, hahah

Someone tries to make friends.

I enjoy your train of thought, if you truly do read these it would be nce to have somsone such as yourself on my msn ([edited for the lad's protection]) or i may evne attempt to add you on Aim, but i must jsut say, i posted this to a princessish friend of mine, she FLIPPED, thank you for weeding out atleast 1 moron of my life.

[Later that day...]

I canot stress enough the amount of hatred you have to put into the back of your eyeballs to both project your eyes out slightly, but not to much, while also sending some to them to clog there arteries - Greg

Josh: Thanks all the same, Greg, but I think you'd find me a very distracting online friend, as I constantly send lewd photos of myself to anyone on my friends list.

Discussions about satire: how inappropriate.

OMG RU F'N INSANE? How c'd U write BS like that? WTF wer U thinkin DOOD? U R 2 hi r somethn. ur makin it ALL up!

[Minutes later...]

So I submit a satirical comment, and I get an ad For Mature Singles Over 50 on the confirmation page. Is this satire upon satire, or should I report it for inappropriate content? - Pete

Josh: Thanks for reminding us that we really have to write a new form handler. That one is from a third party that we got so we wouldn't have to do it ourselves. The moral here is, if you're looking for mature singles over 50, the internet is a good discrete way to go about it.

So sorry!

RE: suggestions

You said you'd have a page for all the funny banners. And you didn't. Damn you. Also I think you should link to the archives from the left menu.

RE: delayed update

You lazy bastard - acrossthepond

Josh: Guily on both counts, I'm afraid. But here's the update, and that archive page will come along some day, right after we finish (or is it start...) that News archive revamping project. Oh, and we have to get to around to making a new side ad, and making a new funny banner on the front page, and making more EV Videos to expand that section, and thinking of some new editorial characters, and...hey, is anybody paying us for this yet?

Philosophical stuff.

in response to your front page article "Delayed EV Update Is Good News For You" I am confused, you posted this story to inform the readers there would be no update, yet in doing so, you updated the front page.it is obvious that this a big mind control scheme, in which you, by updating with a story about not updating, have ruptured the protective field around people's minds, and are now planning to control them to do your bidding. who paid you off? I WANT NAMES! - mike

Josh: Somebody paid us?!

More well-deserved hiatus-related picking-on.

Another delay? I'm almost tempted to set up my own site in direct competition with you, which I shall name "Constant Sight". Score one for me - acrossthepond

Josh: Yeah, but what pictures would you use in the banner? Politicians and figureheads with silly...neckties? Pssh, that wouldn't work nearly as well. (Note to self: site redesign = neckties?)

Wait, who?

I think its a wonderfull idea what ashley and mary-kate are doing.Iv watched there shows since i was really small from full house to there movies.they got to take the next step or else like ashley said they will keep being precived as stuck in a certain age group.Im 17 and it would be nice to see something new and u can tell there just dying to do it.I mean i know there in the spotlight but its there life,there choices,people have no right to bud into there bussiness.I mean maybe they dont care about making more money than they already have.So all you just need to chill let things take there coure .Shit thats the problem with you parents always gotta have it your way damn. - Lakisha

Josh: Man, parents just don't understand. Fortunately for you, Lakisha, we don't think your letter will look silly for long, as sooner or later we expect at least one of the twins to actually do a porno to save their floundering career, rendering our story true and your letter a valid commentary.

A reader catches a glimpse of our deeper levels.

Is chairman of the Committee to Make Everyone Feel Special, Stuart Samuels, based on Al Franken's old Saturday Night Live character Stuart Smalley, or is it only a happy coincidence? I have to know if I got your subtle humor or if I am merely living in a dellusional world of conspiracy and strange patterns. I'm like that Beautiful Mind guy here. - J.Z. Burdge

Josh: "And doggone it, people like me." Yes indeed, that's where the name comes from -- nice catch. For more on the over 6,000 jokes that appear in every EV story, please consult our handy guide to the anatomy of an EV article.

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Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

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