Letters: September 04, 2006

Who wrote in this week? It's possible that it may be celebrities and ex-Presidents, carefully disguised through the anonymity of the Internet. Read on and find out!


thank you forr your work now suck my penis! - Adolf Hitler from Germany !

Josh: Man, I don't know why everyone thinks that Hitler is dead. He's obviously just hanging around Germany, reading the Internet and sending the occasional letter about fellatio.

Offensive clothing.

128 Students Suspended at Ind. School
HAMMOND, Ind. - August 27, 2006 - Classrooms were a little less crowded at Morton High School on the first day of classes: 128 students were sent home for wearing the wrong clothes.

Fed up with inappropriate outfits, the principal suspended the students for one day Wednesday, minutes after doors opened at the school. Those suspended represent more than 10 percent of the 1,200 total students. - a distant memory

Josh: I remember in my high school, no hats could be worn in school because they were disruptive to the learning process. To this day, I never wear a hat when I think I might be learning something that day.


I think Anna has disappeared again. Is it weird that I keep bringing this up? - acrossthepond

Josh: Possibly. It would definitely be weird if it turned out that the conspiracy theory that all EV staff members are actually just me turned out to be true.

Possibly the most delayed response to an article ever.

RE: Dissertation on zombies

OK, so I just read this article by Alex Thobaben, which, judging from the fact that Alex wrote it, is at least 6 apocalypse theory dates old. I want to open a debate on this (think 'Doritos' saga but with more gore)

I have never seen a zombie movie (and I've seen a fair few) where the zombies say 'brains' all the time, save for piss-takes, so that was a rubbish point. For shame good sir.

As any Generic Zombie Movie Mad Scientist (GZMMS or 'GZ Mommas') will tell you, zombies have reverted to their basic instincts and as such wouldn't recognize a sandwich as food. If you showed a chimp a sandwich it would most likely smash it into oblivion; and rightly so, if the sandwich contains any kind of 'spread'.

And you think zombies are smart enough to hunt? You think a rabbit is just gonna lie there and say 'eat me please'? Humans, as we all know, are immensely stupid (George Bush got a SECOND TERM?!?!?!?!?!?!?) and as such like to hide in places with no alternate escape route, at least in every zombie film I've ever seen. So humans are easy targets, the zombies just need to follow them until the humans fuck up, which they inevitably will do.

Also in every zombie film I've seen the people get thoroughly eaten, prompting some amazing 'tearing people apart' scenes. Zombies are mostly recently dead and are mostly in one piece, not really rotting, so taking them apart would be rather hard.

I think Alex needs to watch '28 days later' which has fewer plot holes than most zombie flicks. And also has British people in. Which is always good. - acrossthepond

Josh: First off: wow, that is an old one. But I have to say, your points seem quite sound to me, although I'm admittedly no zombie flick expert. I have contacted Alex to see if he has a response on the matter. He likely does, but we shouldn't expect to see it until 2011 at least..

Praise the Lawd.

In regards to the homeless men claiming to be Jesus Christ and Satan: Matthew 24:23-Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe him not. 24-For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great sighs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall decieve the very elect. ( Please read the Holy Bible. We are currently in the 5th trump. A false Christ- the antichrist will come first claiming to be Jesus. Even Godly people will be decieved with the "Traditions of Men" i.e. "the Rapture" which was invented in 1830. There will be no "Rapture". We will all remaine here for Satans Tribulation. At the 7th trump, the true Christ will return. ) Math 24:19-Woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days! 20-But pray ye that your flight be not in the winter, neither on the sabboth day; 21-For then shall be a great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be. 29- Immediately after the tribulation (Satans) of those days shall the sun be darkeded , and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken: 30-And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. 31-And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet(7th trump) and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other. 32-Now learn the parable of the fig tree(we are the fig generation-Isreal was given back their nation in our generation-1948); When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh: 33-so likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors. 34-Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled. 36-But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.42-Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come. 44-But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up. Other suggestive reading...all of Matthew chapter 24,Mark chapter 13 and Luke chapter 21. Suggested tool ...Strong's Exhaustive Concordanace of the Bible. - anitra

Josh: I want to corner a representative for the entire Christian faith and get a straight answer for when this "Rapture" is gonna happen, because I swear I hear about its imminence every six months or so. Nobody likes a tardy-Marty, God. Jeez.


poo in thee loo - cheng hui

Josh: All right, the Hitler one had a bizarre charm, but this is just nonsense. I'm giving myself a pay cut for printing this one, which means that I now must pay myself money to do the EV, instead of me not paying myself anything.

TV becomes real.

jared was a crook, he currently has aids and took advantage of the situatuion. He is currently on medication to bring him up to par with his prior weight. - geo

Josh: Are you sure you aren't mixing up a portion of that one episode of South Park with what actually happened? Because I'm pretty sure you are. I'm also pretty sure we mis-spelled "Jared's" name in that article, so shame on all of us.

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