Live 8 Raises Awareness Of World's Need For Pink Floyd Reunion

Pictured: a fan-made petition for Floyd and kids.

Pink Floyd's performance at the Live 8 Concert for Africa, their first as a quartet since 1981, helped focus the world's attention towards getting the four original members to do another World tour, or at least an American and European jaunt. The Live 8 concert, set up to help raise awareness of poverty or whatever in Europe, instead reminded Pink Floyd fans and the rest of the world how much Pink Floyd rules.

"This just goes to show," said UK fan Mark Brighton, "that if you put aside petty differences and work at healing old wounds, you can put together a bloody fucking great show, man! A daft mindfuck, those geezers still have it!"

"This was the best Live 8 ever!" crowed another triumphant fan.

The need for a new Pink Floyd tour is greater now than ever before, say Floyd-deprived fans everywhere. Starving for a chance to see Roger Waters, David Gilmour, Rick Wright and Nic Mason on stage again, and for a full set of music, is worth any price and any sacrifice.

"I was going to adopt one of those starving kids in Africa, but I'm going to have to save my money instead for the day when Floyd comes back to Cleveland Stadium," said Cleveland resident Dennis Burris. "This is going to be huge, and even if I have to kill women and children or starve orphans, believe you me, I'm going to see them live!"

"I hope this spectacle has convinced the nation's leaders of something: the need for diplomacy amongst the band," said Burris' friend Jonathan Martz. "It's time for them to forgive each other's debts, so to speak, and press onward to a future of me in the fifth row with lasers beaming into my brain."

And a great deal of diplomacy may be needed; the band itself is not so enthusiastic at the prospect of touring massive stadiums as a four-piece team, says former front man Roger Waters.

"Look, it took an entire starving continent to get [guitarist] David [Gilmour] and myself to even sit in the same room together, so what makes these blokes think that I'd look at that Nanny Goat Race for anything short of a nuclear fucking holocaust?" rhetorically asked the composer of rock classics The Wall and Radio KAOS.

The three other members, David Gilmour, drummer Nic Mason and keyboardist Rick Wright also expressed reservations at the prospect of hitting the road with Waters, the one-time creative force turned despot of the band.

"Sure, I'm always willing to help starving children, which I proved by being caught within eye-shot of that tallywacker [Waters]," said Gilmour, "but people really need to stop and consider the ramifications of us being back together. You can't just throw the four of us on a stage without a plan and expect our problems to go away."

Even so, the band's performance of "Breathe/Breathe (Reprise)", "Money", "Wish You Were Here" and "Comfortably Numb" is being hailed as a valiant and bold testament to the band's kickassery. Even world leaders were forced to recon with the power of the band's "fucking awesomeness", as British Prime Minister Tony Blair put it.

"The band reminded me that sometimes there are more important things than a plate of hot food or a solid-floored house to raise a family," said the Prime Minister, who has been pressuring rich nations such as the United States into giving more money to the poor nations of the African Continent. "Sometimes being -- what is it, 'comfortably dumb'? -- is the best way to be. Everyone needs a little break from reality, and I say good show' to the Floyd boys for helping us forget about all the problems of this hungry, hungry world for just a little while."

Not all the leaders from the upcoming G8 summit, which despite having an "8" in its title will not contain any Pink Floyd reunions, share Blair's view, however.

"I do not support this Floyd reunion because I think it would single-handedly destroy the United States' economy," said U.S. President and enemy of rock George W. Bush. "Think of all those people swaying back and forth, not working at their jobs and thus not pouring friendly greenhouse gases into our environment ...we'd be ruined."

"Bush is a fascist!" said a protester in response. "A libertarian, socialist fascist!"

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