Man Horrified To Discover Cool-Sounding Song Is Actually Christian Rock

Memphis, TN resident Jerry Townsand received what he describes as a "devastating emotional shock" today when it was revealed to him that a song he had previously liked a great deal was written and performed by a Christian rock band -- a fact that prevents Townsand, who is not a Christian, from "even remotely" liking the song anymore.

Townsand, a 27 year-old machinist, says that he is religious, but remains unaffiliated with any particular religion.

"I guess you could say that I'm in a non-practicing, noncommittal kind of religion right now," he elaborated. "Like, I think God does exist, but I don't ever really think or care about it, except when I'm in bad trouble and occasionally on Christmas."

Because of this, Townsand says that he is now completely unable to enjoy a song that he previously deemed "very rocking" due to its high level of Christian content.

"When I first heard this song, I was just like, 'Holy shit, this is a damn fine song,'" Townsand explained. "And I could hear them saying 'Jesus' every now and then, but I didn't think that was a big deal, since they could've been saying, 'Jesus, we don't believe in you,' or, 'Jesus, I need a sandwich.'"

But unbeknownst to Townsand, the radio in his car, previously believed to be only capable of receiving one station due to its state of disrepair, actually could be tuned to one other station -- a Christian rock station -- and was bumped over to that station after the car went over a particularly large bump in the road.

Townsand, however, was none the wiser.

"I did notice the radio station having a large number of songs about Jesus, which confused me, but then I figured it was probably due to The Passion Of The Christ," Townsand reasoned. "Because of that movie, Jesus is a pretty popular guy these days."

But although it was indeed a different station, Townsand remained ignorant until over a week later, when he attempted to tell a friend who was riding with him about the cool song.

"The song came on, and I was just like, 'Dude, this is that new song I was telling you about, it rocks!'" Townsand said. "And my friend was just like, 'Oh, is this that new song by that new Christian rock band? Yeah, it's okay, I guess.' I couldn't believe it."

With his friend's information presented to him, Townsand said, the song's true meaning suddenly became all too clear.

"All of a sudden, it clicked -- that line about the only way to the truth being Jesus; the song sounding like something Creed might have written; the DJ saying, 'You're listening to Christian rock on 90.1 KMUD' -- all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place," Townsand said. "I realized that for the past week of my life, I had been really into a Christian rock song."

Realizing this, Townsand quickly tried to cover his tracks in front of his friend, saying that he had been "just kidding" when he said the song was cool. But he fears that the damage has already been done.

"Now he probably thinks I believe in God and shit, and now he won't take me drinking with him anymore," he moaned. "God damn that sweet-sounding song!"

Townsand also said that since he realized he had been exposed to Christian music for over a week, he has felt a little strange.

"Now, whenever I see people going into church or reading the Bible, I think to myself, 'Yeah, man -- I was once one of you,'" he said wistfully. "I guess in that respect, being briefly involved in the Christian religion has had an impact on me."

However, now that he knows the song is Christian rock and has stopped listening, Townsand says that Christianity is gone from his life for the foreseeable future.

"I've been in that camp, and I don't want to be involved at all with it anymore," he said dismissively as he paid for some gas with standard U.S. dollars reading "In God We Trust" on them. "America is about freedom of religion, and so no one religion can tell me to worship it, let alone what kind of stuff I listen to on the radio."

Townsand then attempted to listen to Howard Stern, but was unable to because his show had been pulled from the air.

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