Washington, D.C. Approves Gay Marriage Bill, Embraces Evil Deity Shub-Niggurath

Pictured: Shub-Niggurath.

After a long, fabulous debate, the D.C. Council gave final approval Tuesday to legislation that recognizes same-sex marriages performed in areas outside of the district. The bill, supporters say, will take the country's most vile city and make it "even more evil," furthering the city's close ties with demon-god Shub-Niggurath, The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young.

"GOOD," commented Shub-Niggurath at the bill's approval session, waving her tentacles. "EXCELLENT."

The District of Columbia has long been known to be a horrible place. The largest employer in the region, the United States federal government, routinely executes criminals, makes war upon other countries, tortures Muslims and kills fun-loving pirates on the high seas -- but this latest act, boast supporters, could top them all.

"D.C. is a town filled with criminals, liars and ne'er-do-wells," said David Catania, one of over one openly gay D.C. Council members. "We are pleased to add this bill as another feather in our evil leather cap."

Congress, which has final say over the laws of D.C., has approximately one month to review the bill, if Mayor Adrian Fenty -- a Satanist -- signs it.

"I plan on signing this bill," said Fenty, dressed in a black cloak. "Of course, this still is D.C., and there is no honor among thieves."

Critics have attacked the bill as a "slap in the face of God." Reverend Anthony Evans, a pastor at Mount Zion Baptist Church in Washington, promised to kill the bill in Congress.

"This bill makes D.C. the most evil city in the world," he said while speaking to a congregation on Sunday. "It is no surprise to me that the second we allowed this bill, the evil Shub-Niggurath showed up to, probably to marry another woman."

However, the bill's supporters agree that the bill is evil, and in fact seem to welcome that fact with pride.

"I openly embrace the evils of gay marriage just like I will soon openly embrace my husband," said Councilman Catania, "meaning that I will soon have gay sex in public."

"Evil spelled backwards is 'live,'" said Mayor Fenty while performing a Satanic ritual, "and Americans have lived with the evil of D.C. for so long, they won't even notice that suddenly two unattractive lesbians are allowed to hump one another in public. Praise be to Shub."

Gay marriage supporters gathered outside the Council after the vote, sodomizing one another and attempting to recruit local straight people into their ranks. The evil was so rampant that several men, originally straight, instantaneously became gay.

One of those men, the Reverend Anthony Evans, was unavailable for further comment.

Similar gay marriage initiatives have recently passed in states such as Iowa, where Yog-Sothoth, The Lurker at the Threshold, is now governor.

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