Yelling Commercial Announcer Convinces Man To Buy Car
Local man Tim Swartly is the proud owner of a brand-new used Toyota Corolla as of yesterday afternoon, and friends and family say he "couldn't be happier" with his new purchase.
But although he can tell you that he enjoys driving the car, and even that it "drives good", he'd be hard-pressed to explain all of the car's features, or even a quality about it that makes him prefer it to any other car on the market.
That's because Tim, as he will sheepishly admit, bought the car "because of the commercial."
That's right; as Swartly was driving home last month in his old car, an inferior 2003 Ford Mustang, he heard a radio commercial that would "change [his] life."
"All of a sudden," he said, his eyes glazing over with fond memories, the way one might remember an old love or a past beautiful summer day, "a loud, screaming man came on the radio station I happened to be listening to. His voice was easily at least several hundred decibels louder than the Metallica song that was just on, and I was amazed at not only his sheer volume, but his enthusiasm, as well."
Intrigued by the screaming emitting from his car's speakers, Swartly listened closer.
"At first, I could not ascertain what the man was shouting about," he confessed. "I heard the words 'weekend' and 'money', and once I thought he said 'flamingo'. But I turned up the radio and just kept listening, believing that anyone with such a loud, demanding voice must have something to say that I would be interested in."
As the volume increased -- both by Swartly's adjustment of the knob and by the announcer growing even louder -- the product in question was suddenly revealed: used Toyotas.
"'Jeff Miller's Quakertown Toyota! Jeff Miller's Quakertown Toyota!' the voice screamed," Swartly recalled. "I remember thinking that it sounded like the voice of God, and that I would be a fool not to succumb to its power, made even more dramatic by the use of some kind of echo effect at the end of the sentence."
In the midst of the near-religious-like quality of the experience, however, an element of danger was introduced.
"The voice unexpectedly concluded the message not with some more shouted words of encouragement, but with a warning: the sale would conclude at the end of the weekend!" Swartly explained. "I had only mere days to sell my old vehicle and purchase a used Corolla, as the voice instructed!"
Luckily, Swartly was able to find a quick buyer for his Mustang, and soon, he was riding home in a 1995 Toyota Corolla.
"It was the greatest experience of my entire life," he said of the ride from the dealership. "I finally felt as if I had found my purpose, my goal; I had heard the yelling, screaming voice of the commercial announcer, and I had obeyed."
With his "life complete", Swartly says he now spends most of his time driving around in his Corolla.
"Life is good," he sighed contentedly. "Now, all I need to do is to go to Dorney Park like the Dorney Park commercial announcer screamed/rapped at me, and I'll be set."
