North Korea Not Attacked Due To Possession Of WMD

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld held a press conference today announcing that peace-keeping talks with North Korea were "progressing", and that a possible U.S. invasion or use of physical force would be "absolutely unnecessary and out of the question" due to the country possessing weapons of mass destruction.

Rumsfeld briefed the press on the weapons, and the damage they could theoretically do to U.S. forces.

"We know for a fact that North Korea has at least one or two nuclear weapons, and is quite capable of making more," he said grimly. "Should we send our troops over there, they would be faced with the threat of having a nuclear bomb dropped on them, or something even worse. This is a risk we simply cannot take with our brave forces."

A member of the press questioned the validity of this decision, citing the fact that North Korea has openly displayed animosity towards America, but Rumsfeld held firm to his original statement.

"Listen, I'd love to put everyone's fears to rest by forcibly disarming North Korea, but the fact of the matter is that they possess weaponry that would present a very real threat to our invading soldiers," he said emphatically. "In this case, I believe disarmament by diplomacy is really the best course."

In fact, instead of attacking, Rumsfeld said he plans to utilize America's extensive military prowess to "deflect" any attacks that could occur despite the talks of peace.

"We have the technology to preemptively thwart just about any kind of long-ranged attack North Korea could throw at us," he said. "Ideally, we wouldn't want it to come to that, of course, but should the country try and double-cross us after the peace talks, we'd be ready."

"Believe me," he added, "this is a much better idea than brashly preemptively invading a country. That kind of thing could really damage our international image, and ultimately our international relations."

When questioned, many American citizens seemed confused by Rumsfeld's stance.

"It seems to me," recalled a Pennsylvania man, "that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction too, and we invaded them nice and easy. Hell, the U.N. wasn't even behind us and we still did it. Why should we be afraid of North Korean nukes? We're America, for God's sake -- that crap can't hurt us!"

But in a statement issued recently, President Bush showed support for Rumsfeld's decision, and reiterated that the U.S. is standing firm on this issue.

"When I was first campaigning for my presidency, I said that America would not play the world's policeman anymore, and I stand by that remark," he said. "I'm not going to needlessly endanger our soldiers and the lives of the innocent where there is even a shred of doubt about the action being taken. That would be irresponsible and wrong of me."

"And if there's anything a President should not be," he added sternly, "it's irresponsible and wrong."

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