Latest Presidential Debate Encourages Undecided Voters To Decide To Continue Not Deciding

Although the first Presidential debate of the current election year was held this past Thursday, with the actual election only a little over a month away, some undecided voters confirmed via poll that they still weren't sure who to vote for, a fact that confuses even some of the voters themselves.

The poll surveyed over 600 undecided voters before and after the debates, and found a large number of them classified the debate as "not enough" in helping them make up their minds who to vote for.

Some, like Melinda Harris of Pennsylvania, were doubtful as to the substance behind the candidates' words.

"Sure, they moved their mouths around a lot," she said with a wise, knowing look in her eye, "but did they really say anything?"

Harris later was discounted from the results of the poll after discovering that her television had been stuck on "mute" for the past several months.

Others complained that there just isn't enough to differentiate one candidate from the other.

"With politicians these days being all the same anyway, the debate hardly helped clarify anything for me," an undecided man complained. "Sure, one thinks what we're doing in Iraq is good, and one doesn't. But for someone like me who doesn't know anything about the political situation, that just isn't enough to help make an informed decision."

Many of the still-undecided voters also were disheartened that more issues were not discussed during the debate.

"I still don't know how either of the candidates feels about cats," explained Darlene "Cat" McCarthy of Ohio. "Did John Kerry like them at first, but now isn't so hot on them? Did George W. Bush try to punish a cat that didn't do anything to him? Until these things are answered, I just can't vote."

"Neither candidate has offered to help me paint my barn," said John Marlen of Missouri with a frown. "And until one does, I'm not voting."

"But I'm painting it!" shrieked Ralph Nader from behind Marlen, furiously slapping red paint all over the barn. "I'm painting it right now!"

Florida resident Dale Meenahan, however, has his own explanation why he and many others still don't know who to vote for: there is none.

"I just don't know what I'm waiting for," he said sadly, shaking his head. "I mean, I know the issues by now. I know how each candidate feels about the war. I know that John Kerry is a Democrat, and George W. Bush is a Republican. But darn it, I just don't know who to choose."

Meenahan did say that there must be something that will sway him and the other undecided voters -- it's just a matter of coming across it.

"Maybe it will be a large sign on the highway that says, 'Vote Kerry'. Maybe it will be a witty-yet-insightful forwarded email on why voting for Bush is the right thing to do. Maybe it will be one of Letterman's hilarious top ten lists. I just couldn't say where it will come from," he said. "But it will come."

"After all, it has to come, because I can't just not vote," he added fearfully. "Then I'd be no better than a terrorist."

Still, until the sign does come, many undecided voters must endure the mockery of those who have already picked their candidate, such as Lisa Durowitz of Texas.

"I can't believe these people still haven't decided who to pick," she snorted. "I mean, it's obvious that Bush sounds like a braver man than Kerry. That's my reason right there. Was that so hard to think of?"

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