Kucinich Continues To Threaten Kerry's Nomination, Says Kucinich

Although virtually every media outlet in the world is operating under the assumption that Senator John Kerry will receive the Democratic Party's nomination for their Presidential candidate this July at the Democratic National Convention, Congressman Dennis Kucinich, who is also running for the same position, issued a reminder yesterday that the battle is not yet over.

"The last time I checked, the Convention isn't for almost a month yet!" he shouted from a street corner in Cleveland, Ohio, where a crowd of approximately three were enthusiastically cheering him on. "A few people may have written me off, but I've only just begun to fight!"

Part of the reason why Kucinich has been "written off" by some is because the amount of delegates he currently has, 23, is utterly dwarfed by Kerry's delegates, which currently stand at over 2,200. In fact, only 2,162 delegates are needed for the nomination, which means that technically, Kerry has already won.

But Kucinich downplayed the importance of the current delegate counts, explaining that the numbers can change "at any moment."

"Every day, more and more people are getting turned on to my frightening, hyper-active demeanor!" he screamed, despite the fact that this reporter was six inches away from him at the time. "All I need is a few hundred delegates here, a thousand there, and boom – I've got the nomination!"

What will attract so many delegates so suddenly to his camp? Kucinich says his "dramatic, ultra-left proclamations", for starters.

"This is taken directly from my official webpage: 'I am running for President to break the shackles of fear which have deprived our citizens of rights,'" he said. "Once people hear that, there's really no way they could say no to me."

And for those on the more moderate side who might be warded off by such talk, Kucinich says he's got a more "regular Joe" side, too.

"There's nothing I like more than sitting down to watch a good old football game and talk about how we need to immediately withdraw from NAFTA and the WTO," he said, mimicking tossing a football and inadvertently spraining his shoulder. "I'll have no trouble at all winning over Middle America."

And what of the relatively small crowd of three -- two of which appearing to be extraordinarily high on marijuana -- gathered to hear Kucinich speak? A fierce Cleveland wind, the Congressman said – it was preventing his voice and "important messages of social equality" from carrying.

"There's a pretty good breeze today that's stifling my voice, I think," he admitted. "But people are stopping by to take a listen. One guy even picked me up by my head and carried me around for a while. He thought I was his son, who apparently had gotten lost in the parking lot. He did eventually realize his mistake, but while he was carrying me around I did manage to tell him a great deal about why our soldiers should've abandoned Iraq months ago."

Enough people are ready for a change in America, says Kucinich, that his platform will eventually "inevitably" become popular.

"People are tired of never having a real choice on the ballot," he said. "Actually, I'm kind of confused as to how John Kerry got ahead so quickly, because he doesn't offer much of a choice. But still, people are secretly tired of him!"

Kucinich went on to theorize about "the big corporate machine" that had somehow gotten Kerry so many delegates until he had worked himself up into an asthma attack, and had to use an inhaler several times.

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