Jersey Governor Surges In Pre-Election Polls In Wake Of 'Cum On Feel The Noize' Campaign

Pictured: Governor Jon Corzine.

After being trounced for months in virtually all polls by Republican opponent Chris Christie, New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine's re-election campaign has gotten a second wind in recent weeks following the introduction of his new slogan and philosophy: "Cum On, Feel The Noize!"

Corzine says the phrase, based on Quiet Riot's 1983 cover version of a hit 1973 glam rock song, perfectly encapsulates his approach to governance.

"So you think I got an evil mind?" the leather-clad governor asked a red-faced Christie at a recent debate, pausing to tongue-kiss two groupies who were hanging on to him. "I'll tell you, honey. You think my singing's out of time? It makes me money!"

The audience then erupted in wild cheers as Corzine encouraged them to feel the noise, and told the girls to rock their boys (i.e., engage in intercourse with them immediately on the debate floor).

"I -- you -- this is outrageous!" Christie sputtered, sweating profusely in his suit. "Never in my life have I seen such behavior!"

Corzine's recent campaign commercials also lean heavily on the phrase. In one, the Quiet Riot song plays loudly as grainy, poorly-lit pictures of Christie's face are displayed on screen.

"We asked Republican Chris Christie if he's ever felt the noise," the commerical's announcer intones. "Guess what? He never has."

Analysts say Corzine's campaign is working because it focuses on the one issue most voters care about: whether or not Chris Christie can rock them tonight.

"This campaign isn't so much about what's good about Jon Corzine as it is about what's so completely awful about Chris Christie," said Bill Martin, an analyst for Quinnipiac. "And at a time when people just want to get wild, wild, wild, Chris Christie seems more like Chris Bringdown, or Chris Turn-Off-That-Noise-Before-I-Call-The-Police."

Martin points to recent poll numbers to confirm his theory; many likely voters now say that although they've had their problems with Corzine in the past, Christie now seems like too much of a fuddy-duddy to actually vote for.

"Oh, and supposedly, there's some independent candidate running," added Martin, referring to Chris Daggett, another contender in the governor's race, "but who cares? There's only room for one Chris in this race, and he's now a loser."

In response to Corzine's newfound popularity, Christie has tried to adopt a catchy campaign philosophy of his own, "Fuck The Pain Away (Suckin' On My Titties Like You Wanted Me)". It has so far failed to generate the interest that Corzine's campaign has, although one newspaper did call it "bizarre and disturbing".

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