Hitler's Speeches Fast Outpacing Mel Gibson As Top-Downloaded Ringtones

Pictured: a girl is delighted to hear Hitler on her phone.

As thousands of users download parody "recordings" of Mel Gibson's drunken rant of July 29, 2006, a new wave is sweeping the digital universe, and one that threatens to cast a shadow over Gibson's newfound racist fame.

Tired of Gibson's predictable anti-Semitic remarks, hipsters and internet-savvy downloaders are picking up the hilarious and outrageous anti-Bolshevik, Jew-blaming recordings of Hitler's speeches at the Nuremberg Stadium to install on their cell phones.

"OMG, Mel Gibson is so yesterday," said Alexia Hill, Nextel user and Internet subscriber. "Once you've heard one drunken anti-Jewish rant, you've heard 'em all, but when it's Hitler in front of millions of Germans screaming about the 'Jewish Problem'… now that's entertainment."

Oft cited for its hilarity in content and delivery, many like Hill can't help but crack up every time out of their pocket comes the sound of Hitler screaming, "By defending myself against the Jew I am doing the work of the Lord!" in undecipherable German.

"It's funny, but it also made me popular because all my friends want it now," explained Hill, who is now prone to getting calls asking, "Where Hitler at?"

Hill had to excuse herself from the interview as she received a text message, and Hitler's voice informed shocked and horrified passersby that "All at once the Jew also becomes liberal and begins to rave about the necessary progress of mankind!" as the text on her screen from friend Becky Stein instructed her to look at a friend's MySpace.

As Hitler hilarity sweeps the nation, Mel Gibson's anti-Jewish remarks are losing their potency and hipness. Though the majority of cell phone ringtones remain 80's pop hits, the Super Mario Bros. theme, or Mel Gibson accusing the arresting officer of killing Jesus, Hitler's incendiary and impassioned speeches that drove a generation of German citizens to endorse genocide are proving to be the new taboo.

"It's not like I agree with what he's saying, I just think it's hilarious," said John Bowden, 16, of Forest Hills, NY. "Replacing the super-serious and overplayed [Martin Luther King Jr.'s memorable quote] 'I Have a Dream' with [the national anthem of the Third Reich] 'Horst Wessel Lied' really lightens the mood whenever someone calls. If it were still Dr. King, then I'd be reminded to consider the plight of the civil rights movement every time Mom calls. Talk about a downer!"

Bowden and other Hitler downloaders insist that the former dictator's once-dangerous words on cell phones are completely ironic, and maybe even patriotic. Using the argument of "all’s well that ends well", Bowden insists that the ringtones serve to remind the Aryan Nation who won the war.

"America rocked Germany's ass, freed the Jews and destroyed Nazism once and for all," cheered an enthusiastic Bowden. "Every time my phone goes off it's like, 'Guess what Adolph, you lost!' Ha, ha, ha!"

"I've enjoyed these ringtones for a while, but it's nice to see everyone else jumping on the bandwagon," said 45 year-old survivalist Sam White, carefully reapplying the stitching to a swastika patch on his jacket. "It's just a shame that the money used to buy the ringtone is probably going to some Jew somewhere."

It appears that although Mel Gibson has apologized for his statements and Hollywood at large has condemned his outburst, anti-Semitism is beginning to gain status as an outdated fad that is too archaic to take seriously, but still useful as a nostalgic throwback. Much like Capri pants or Converse high-tops, most Cingular users with the first chapter of "Mien Kampf" as their ringtones say they have it because of its kitsch value, and because, "It's, like, so out there that you just got to laugh," said Cingular subscriber Alicia Stone.

"It's like when I used to die my hair pink and dress in torn, stone-washed jeans and Vince Neil t-shirts -- I'd never go back and put on that stuff again, just like I wouldn't seriously endorse the slaughter of innocent Jews, or suggest that they are responsible for all of the world's wars and problems," said Stone. "But even though you might look back on the past and wish that you'd had a little better taste than to wear a hot pink ruffled blouse, or to commit genocide, when [local 80's cover band] Headbanger's Ball plays on Fridays, it's impossible not to get a little sentimental and rock out! It's all just for fun!"

While many continue to be delighted by Mel Gibson's good looks, ability to keep cool under torture, and slurred diatribes against the Jewry, the popularity of Hitler’s hi-jinks may be a resource for downloaders and servers that has yet to be tapped or fully understood. As it was in 1933, only time will tell.

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