Man Possesses Uncanny Ability To Convince People That He Is Wrong

Dale Dimmerman, according to friends and acquaintances, has an unparalleled skill to, no matter what subject, topic or level of his expertise, convince those with whom he is engaged in debate that his position is incorrect and misinformed.

The HVAC salesman possesses what many consider a matchless influence and sway to turn people towards the opposite of whatever position or cause he favors, even -- and sometimes especially -- if their opinion previously matched his own.

"Despite their latest gaffes, I was thinking about voting Republican [in the November elections]," said co-worker Jim Musial, "but when Dale came to their aid, making all kinds of half-baked claims that Democrats are just as corrupt, or that it was somehow the Democrats who were putting a spin on the situation, I chose then and there to vote Democrat, or even independent."

"It's not even that he's wrong, but it's just the way he said it that made me want to go out and buy one of those 'No One Died When Clinton Lied' bumper stickers," added Musial.

Musial explained that Dimmerman's cocksure position, coupled with his obvious ignorance of the situation, made it henceforth impossible to ever vote Republican again, lest it validate one of Dimmerman's insipid understandings of the situation he wrongly claims to have mastered.

Others have corroborated Musial's allegation that Dimmerman's lack of understanding of the current political climate and state of world affairs is surpassed only by his belligerent confidence. Those who have listened to Dimmerman speak have all expressed amazement at his stunning talent at galvanizing the friendliest of audiences against he and his position.

"I used to believe that global warming was just a liberal myth, but as soon as Dimmerman said, 'Oh, it’s just the warming cycles of the earth the come and go and has nothing to do with greenhouse emissions', it was then that I knew that I'd been wrong all along," said neighbor Bill Evanovitch, 26. "I almost hope that we live to see irreversible melting of the polar ice-caps and flooded coastlines and cities, just to shut [Dale] up."

Dimmerman's sedulous absorption of third-hand sources and hearsay have impressed even the staunchest conservatives and supporters of positions also held by Dimmerman. Even those who showed no signs of tergiversating over important topics admit that they could not help but be swayed into changing their positions after a single lunch-hour spent with Dimmerman.

"I never thought that I would support background checks on gun owners and a two-day waiting period on the sale of handguns, but after meeting and conversing Mr. Dimmerman [at the 136th annual NRA convention in Milwaukee], I am going to the board [of directors] that such measures be recommended to Congress," said NRA President Charlton Heston.

The resentment towards his apodictic stance on every possible topic comes as no surprise to Dimmerman, who defended his unwavering self-assuredness.

"It frustrates people that my positions aren't the popular ones to take, and it drives them crazy to hear me say things like the war in Iraq is a good cause, that atrocities committed by Marines are acceptable incidentals of war, and that everyone in America should be given a gun on their 16th birthday," he said in defense of his friends' wholesale rejection of everything he has ever said. "Even if I can't win every argument, I know that I'll be proven right in the end, so I don't even need to know the facts to know that I'm correct."

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