California Plans To Censor Teh Internets

Pictured: the internets.

The popular search engine Google may soon be censored, according to reports from California, with the entire internet not far behind.

Lawmakers in that state recently discovered an electronic phenomenon called "the Google," and were "absolutely shocked" by how much information was readily available to normal citizens who own a personal computer, or even a special cellular phone.

"I had heard of computers before," said Joel Anderson, a Republican California state assemblyman from San Diego County, "but this is just absurd. Any kind of domestic terrorist or Muslim extremist or illegal immigrant could go on these 'teh internets' and find out anything. It's unacceptable."

Google, which has a function in which people can see satellite images of Earth, is an internet search function invented specifically for terrorists, say some scientists. Since normal people would not actually need satellite images of government buildings, there is no other explanation.

"Information, when left to normal Americans, is dangerous," added Anderson.

Legislators have claimed that because the Googles provide too much information about the locations of strategic "attack zones," such as government buildings, schools and churches. As a result, they are planning to force the search engine to blur out any images deemed "too attackable by terrorism". Assembly Bill 255, introduced by Anderson, would fine websites and other online services up to $250,000 per day until they scaled back their on-line.

"It's almost as if the Googlers want to be a god," said Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. "Only God has such a perfectly strategic view of America, looking down from Heaven. I cannot support any computers trying to be more powerful than us normal human beings."

Rush Limbaugh, the conservative commentator and likely Republican Presidential candidate for 2012, both praised and condemned California.

"Leave to the Communi-fornians," said Limbaugh during his syndicated talk show. "And while I do not support communism, I also do not support terrorists. Therefore, I'm not sure how I feel about these computer webs."

Indeed, many experts agree that there is too much information available on web-internet, especially on Googly.

"Most normal Americans are unable to handle the information properly," said Dr. Julius Levin, a professor of Information Technologies at the University of California, Berkeley. "They go out into this electronic wild west, and see things they can't understand. They freak out, send angry letters to faceless Web-Sights. They gather information about local Internal Revenue departments and suddenly, we have another Oklahoma City."

Many experts agree that the 1995 Oklahoma City bombings, which were carried out by a Muslim extremist posing as a U.S. Army veteran, were caused by Google and the Internet.

The legislators also plan on forcing the company to blur out Google Black People, the popular Internet race, because they make many members of the legislation nervous and uncomfortable.

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