Important Volleyball Match Fills In Gap On Slow News Day

Although the games are only preseason at this point, The Dimas High School Girls volleyball team has already shown signs of being able to best rivals Riverview High in the upcoming 2006 Fall season, despite not having any abilities of their own when it comes to playing the ball.

"We're unique here in that we believe in getting the ball over the net and waiting for the opposing team to make an error," said Coach Helen Casey. "It's truly a remarkable success story."

And while the strategy has yet to be tested against more exemplary squads, it has been proven to work well when playing inferior opponents with no balance or sense of timing.

"I'm so proud of my team for what they haven't done here," said Coach Casey. "Had they followed a different, more idea-filled path, we could very well be still trying to over exert ourselves when all we have to do is get the ball over to the other side of the net and let the visiting team fumble about."

Coach Casey said that the new strategy reduces the risk of injury, and requires less energy than a proactive offensive philosophy, freeing up valuable strength for the day when a big game comes around.

"This way, we'll be sure to be rested and alert when we eventually play Giuliani Falls," glowed Casey. "They're supposed to be a potential powerhouse, and we'll need all the rest we can get."

Some parents, while proud of their daughters' accomplishments, have expressed reservations as to the team's ability to recall the fundamentals and achieve victory if ever faced with a more able and crafty rival.

"Sure, their system of hands-off offense worked against Riverview," said Dale Lenard, father of Junior guard Erin, "but they might find themselves outmatched when they play a team that can actually play well beyond the serve, or even serve at all. They're not really inspiring me to root for them, but at least they appear to have their act together -- which is, granted, a victory of its own."

In response to parents' concerns, Coach Casey defended her girls' philosophy: "Though we [Bay] haven't necessarily been playing a pretty game, we still won and sure looked a lot better than the River girl who went up for a spike and got her neck stuck in the net and is now paralyzed from the waist down."

Other faculty at the school agree that while the strategy won't win any awards for style, it's at least effective, provided the other time is completely ineffective.

"It's not very inspiring, but it's a lot safer way of playing than teams the [North Olmsted] Libertines," said world history teacher Kurt Wickman, who illustrated that the Libertines' playbook is full of fantastic ideas, setups and plays which are almost impossible to execute properly on the court.

Furthermore, say supporters, players are also showing prodigious understanding of what goes into maintaining a starting position on the team. Though perfectly able, according to coaches and parents, to set, jump and spike, players prefer to remain as far removed from the action as possible so as not to be implicated in misplays or errors.

"Leave all that fancy, show-offy, fundamental stuff like making a beautiful spike right into the face of a defenseless opponent to the rookies and bench warmers with nothing to lose," said team Captain Erika Reynolds. "You don't really need to do anything impressive to win unless you're playing a worthy opponent, so why bother going out on a limb and risk missing a tough shot and look bad? It's much better to do just enough to win while distancing yourself from any mistakes on the court, which can always be blamed on the ref favoring the other team anyway."

Reynolds and company say they understand the true nature of the sport: maintaining the status quo.

"The important thing is that [co-captain] Leslie [Blake] and I are still starting. It's, like, our Senior year after all, and it's not like we're out to win the state championship, or solve world hunger or anything. So as long as our record is respectable and it says 'team captain' under my name in the yearbook, then this year will be a success."

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