New Orleans Re-Floods Self In Spirit Of Mardi Gras Satire

As part of an overall theme of grim, satirical recognition of Hurricane Katrina that permeated through this year's Mardi Gras, the city of New Orleans demolished newly-rebuilt dams around the city, bringing flood waters forth once more and killing thousands of residents as those still alive appreciated the spirit of good-natured reminders of the storm.

"We just felt like we needed to include elements of satire into our celebration, just to remind everyone out there that yes, a hurricane did come through here recently," said one resident, looting a nearby house while the owner laid motionless on the ground in front of him. "Lots of folks out there might have forgotten by now."

"I'll fucking skin you fuckers alive and take all your fucking food," snarled another native known only as Samuel Fuck, as others chuckled at his depiction of crazed looter escaped from a flooded asylum.

"We probably shouldn't have let that guy out," admitted local Jarvis Thompson, confirming that Fuck actually was from an insane ward as he began satirically eating the flesh of Thompson's calf, much to the delight of those nearby. "But what the heck, you know? This is as good a way as I can think of as any to get our spirits back and move on from this tragedy."

Some have suggested that the time and effort spent on elaborate satirical Mardi Gras costumes, parades, and alcohol could be better used on continuing to clean up the city and rebuild its infrastructure. But partying advocates correctly point out that putting on the parades is easier and much more fun.

"We should have Mardi Gras and hurricane-bashing sessions every day," shouted Jarvis Thompson to a roaring crowd. "That'll teach that fucking hurricane!"

President Bush was even invited to the festivities for some playful hating of black people, but he declined, commenting, "Have you seen my poll numbers lately? Now more than ever, even if it's in the spirit of fun, those niggers would eat me alive."

"Kidding!" he added, bringing laughter and cheers from many blacks in the Big Easy.

Doing his own part for government-related ambiguous race issues, mayor Ray Nagin was on hand to say strange things that make everyone vaguely uncomfortable.

"This city ought to be like a [Hostess snack cake] Ding Dong," he said ominously, "with delicious black chocolate converging on white cream."

But for many celebrating, race or politics had nothing to do with relaxing in the relatively warm flood water, hoping to perhaps catch a glimpse of a bared breast or corpse floating by with some good rings still left on the hands.

"I'll tell you, this is what N'Orleans is all about," said strip club/beer distributor owner Johnson Jackson, happily drinking whiskey and sitting on top of a chair made out of corpses to watch a float drift by that vaguely resembled a woman's breast. "I'd stay right here all day if I wasn't worried about catching some kind of disease if I remain still for too long."

Others focused more on the satirical elements, laughing at those who let them down and destroyed their lives and their city.

"Haha, Michael Brown," snickered one woman upon looking at a clever shirt indicting the former FEMA chief as being "a JERKA". "That guy helped to fuck everything up. Ah, jeez."

Brown was also invited to the celebrations and encouraged to make a self-depreciating speech, but did not show up in time due to being unable to satisfactorily choose an outfit.

The fun was not without its detractors, however; some sat the festivities out, choosing instead to pursue other activities like watching their homes being gutted.

"I'm not having fun, and no one else should, either," pointed out one man. "This is hardly fair to me."

In Other News

Conservationists Fear Dwindling Park Space Reduces Places Kids Can Safely Get High (07/13/10)

Area Man's Use Of Pay Phone Angers, Confuses Coworkers (07/11/10)

LeBron James Announces Plan To Follow In Jordan's Footsteps, Play For Birmingham Barons Minor League Squad (07/08/10)

Anti-Incumbent Sentiment In Washington Kills Senator Robert Byrd (06/28/10)

The Enduring Vision: A Documentary In Two Parts (06/21/10)

Your Letters Answered (06/17/10)

U.S. Identifies Vast Deposits Of Unobtainium In Afghanistan (06/16/10)

BP Points Out That Oil Spill Could Give Rise To Toxic Avenger Style Superhero (06/14/10)

Area Man Definitely Counting That Walk To The Mailbox As Today's Exercise (06/10/10)

Even More Shit:



The Beast

RSS Feed

Paying The Bills: