As a modern American college student, Scott is truly exemplary, with binge drinking, anonymous sex, and party attendance records that are at the top of the national averages. The future is bright for this young man, and his columns hint at his upcoming career as a CEO or Wall Street executive.
Meet the best that American youth has to offer in the pieces below.
Science
Paleontologists Make Rare Discovery That Will Finally Get Them Laid (03/08/10)
Politics
MPAA Assigns Obama PG-13 Rating For Adult Themes, Smoking (03/04/10)
Letters
Your Letters Answered (03/03/10)
Science
Whale Trainer's Death Reveals Hidden Dangers Of Anthropomorphizing Carnivorous Predators (03/01/10)
Business
Emotionar Toyota CEO Make Prea To Rawmakers, Predge To Improve Vehicres (02/28/10)
Politics
Democrats, Republicans Draft Bipartisan Legislation Requiring Both Parties to Disagree on Everything, Always (02/25/10)
Politics
God Once Again Fails To Kill Dick Cheney (02/23/10)
Editorial
Black History Month Seems Pretty White To Me (02/22/10)
U.S.
Man Discovers That His Best Talent Is Masturbating (02/16/10)
Politics
Bill Clinton Hospitalized For Erection Lasting More Than Sixteen Years (02/12/10)
Business
Just For Men To Market 'Touch Of Gay' Hair Product (02/09/10)
