Re: Hey

Pictured: Your Lover, Ted

Dear Barbara,
Seeing yet another email from you in my Inbox, I've thought for a long time about how to reply. It's been a year since our breakup, and in all that time I haven't responded to your emails. I'm sorry. I thought now would be a good time to let you know how my life is going, what I'm doing, what direction I'm heading. I thought about linking to one of my favorite hair metal songs of the '80s (I'm really getting into them these days), "Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)." It's really a good song. I also thought about linking you to an organization I'm proud to be a part of, and if you got involved in, I think would be a good place for you to expend some of that excess energy: It's a good cause. They're fighting the good fight.

But telling you what web pages I go to, what songs I'm listening to, doesn't really clue you into my life right now. Hmm. Let's see. I'm still writing a screenplay (one day I will finish, I promise!). I've been putting a lot of thought into the ending. Because I think how things end is important. Don't ya think? I think an ending that lingers on and on saps the power of the main drama. I like abrupt, and to-the-point endings. And of course, because I'm writing so much, I have to read, to keep inspired. I've picked up this really great book. It's called The End of the Affair. You should read it. I think you'd really like it. It's by W. Somerset Maugham.

I've also been reading a biography of Greta Garbo. It's very interesting stuff. Her most famous quote is, "I want to be alone." The author claims that she and Marlene Dietrich, her rival, would seduce men and women and then dump them suddenly. What crazy bitches!

Also, I've been watching a lot of reality TV. There's Elimidate, and The Apprentice ("You're fired!"). They're such guilty pleasures. (But of course, none of them are good as Survivor, that show we used to watch, where they would choose one person on the island and vote for them to go away and then they would go away and not come back, ever.)

I've also been reading a lot about geography, about the history of the planet. There's a theory that all the continents were all together at one point in a large land mass called Pangaea. Then it broke up. Africa and South America even used to connect (look at the shapes). Then they separated, and moved to their places today, thousands and thousands of miles apart. Crazy!

I feel like I'm avoiding my personal life, and just telling you incidental things. Once again, I'm sorry. I guess even emails can be awkward. But here goes: I've met someone. Her name is Georgina. Georgina Glass. She's really hot and we have sex all the time. There isn't really much more to it than that.

Hmm. I don't know what else to say. My parents are doing fine. They're still divorced. It's very sad still having to deal with the fact that they don't love each other anymore and they've moved out of the house they lived in together, and in fact, each of them is fucking someone new. I don't know how I deal with it, but somehow I do, everyday. They're divorced.

My grandfather died about two months ago. They buried him in the cold, cold ground. It was very sad for all of us. I know how much he liked you. His wife was already dead, so he had been single for a very long time. Now, due to decay, he's breaking up, into smaller and smaller pieces. Going back to the earth. Returning to whence he came. It's sad, but one day all of us will have to go back where we came from, won't we? It's true. I don't mean to be morbid. Death brings out the philosopher in me.

I don't know. It feels really good to reestablish a connection with you. You were always such a good friend, more of a bud than a girlfriend. You even endured those long conversations about my favorite Star Wars character, Han SOLO. I don't know why I capitalized his last name just then, I guess it's just the Star Wars geek coming out.

You were great. I've also been studying the history of the atomic bomb and playing with anagrams. Did you know that Enola, as in Enola Gay, is "alone" spelled backwards? I don't know, maybe it's just me who finds stuff like that interesting. It's been so long since I've spent any time with you, I wouldn't know.

My current DVDs: Out of Sight, Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, and the obscure Dutch classic The Vanishing.

Anyway, glad I could finally respond to you,
Your Former Lover, Ted

Ted was once your lover, but now is not. He is no longer your lover.

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