Beating The Heat: What Can YOU Do?
As a massive heat wave passes through much of the eastern part of Pennsylvania, many residents are desperately searching for ways to keep cool, and most of the rest of the nation is in a similar situation at some part of the summer or another. That's why the Enduring Vision has compiled a list of summer heat tips -- our surefire ways to beat the heat.
- Construct sun-blocking machine
The sun provides us with much of our heat. Block its rays, and relief will soon follow.
- Live in underground tomb
The trick to this is not to dig your tomb too deep, since the interior of the earth is sometimes even hotter than a steamy summer day.
- Freeze self
70% of the human body is water. Freezing that water will cool you down, and, with a little fruit juice, turn you into a tasty summer treat.
- Be glad you aren't old
Every summer, hundreds of elderly people perish because of heat-related deaths. It's a good thing you aren't old.
- Abandon clothing
Clothes, while sometimes fashionable, tend to trap heat close to your body. When it's hot, remove all traces of clothing immediately.
- Watch Cool Runnings
The story of the delightful Jamaican bobsled team who overcame their shortcomings with teamwork will help cool you down and offer hours of entertainment.
- Avoid houses or buildings made of sheet metal
Contrary to popular belief, sheet metal heats quickly in the sun, and does not act as a coolant.
- Fan self with hand
This will do nothing to cool you off, but will make sure others around you realize that it is a hot day.
- Remove body fat
No matter what your weight, your body has natural insulation inside of it that is not always needed. A paring knife and some Tylenol are recommended tools.
- Engage in staring contest with sun
Sometimes all that sun needs is a hard look to send it packing.
- Buy a fucking air conditioner
Air conditioners have the ability to cool the air inside your home, no matter how hot it may be outside. Possibily the most recommended method.