Fitting In: What Can YOU Do?
Whether you're looking to get into the "cool" group in school or be invited to all the inter-office parties, it's not uncommon to have some kind of desire to fit in to a certain crowd. Luckily, The Enduring Vision has compiled a crucial list of tips for you to follow that should assure you instant popularity in no time.
- Make sure you're not ugly
How many popular unattractive people have you seen? Exactly. If you are ugly, immediately get plastic surgery until you aren't.
- Obtain silly catch-phrase
On most television shows, there is usually at least one character who receives loud cheers as he enters the set due to saying a hilarious catch-phrase. Consider "Where the party at?" and "Heeeeeere I am!" for good starters.
- Carry around large boom-box on shoulder
This will demonstrate that you are a rebel who doesn't care if he is being noisy -- a very cool thing. As a bonus, it will give you a chance to show off your exquisite taste in music, which should include Vanilla Ice and the B-52s.
- Hire girls to come to side when fingers are snapped
If it is ever discovered that you are paying the girls, move to a different state and try again.
- Become lovable fat guy
This is the one way to remain physically unattractive and still have popularity; all social groups have at least one hilarious, smart-mouthed fat man who is always cracking jokes and getting good-natured ribbing about his weight, which causes him to slowly fall apart inside, developing deep emotional and self-confidence problems while hiding his turmoil with forced jolliness. If you are overweight or want to be, this is the job for you.
- Transform into werewolf
As Michael J. Fox showed us in the hit movie "Teen Wolf", werewolves are highly respected in high school, not feared and captured by scientists, as you might think.
- Hand out money on regular basis
People will initially only befriend you for your money, but don't worry: when you run out of cash, they will still stick around, realizing that you're a cool guy, too.
- Girls: put out
If you are not a female, become one, then become sexually promiscuous.
- Constantly refer things to current political situations
Most people these days are very conscious about national and international political events, and will admire your knowledge and insight. For example: "Hey, [popular band] sold out more than the AARP did to accommodate the new Medicaid bill!"
- Watch "Family Matters"
Steve Urkel was one of America's most popular TV icons in the early 90's. Watch reruns of his show, then emulate his every move.