Retaining Patriotism After The 4th: What Can YOU Do?
For many Americans, the fourth of July is more than just the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence; it's an annual reaffirmation of their patriotism and nationalism. But the fourth is only one day, and when that day is over, many Americans find themselves lapsing uncontrollably back into a state of apathy towards their nation. Luckily, the Enduring Vision has compiled a list of tips designed to help you retain your patriotism towards the good old US of A -- even in the absence of terrorist threats.
- Continue shooting off fireworks in subsequent days and months
Much of the fourth of July's allure comes from blasting fireworks into the sky. You should continue this practice until you are stopped in some way; i.e., arrest.
- If there are no terrorist threats, make some
Unfortunately, many find it hard to be patriotic if the nation isn't under the threat of attack. If you are one of these people, create your own terrorist threat with a playful phone call to the White House or some silly powdered sugar in a letter to a Senator.
- Move to other nation
If you are simply unable to restore you patriotism, move to a nation where the fourth of July isn't such a big deal.
- Join Army
Joining the Army will pump you full of more patriotism than you ever thought possible. Warning: may cause brainwashing as a side effect.
- Continue saying "Happy Fourth!" to others
By convincing those around you that the fourth of July isn't actually over, it will be easier for you to perpetuate your patriotism. In time, you may even grow to believe that it still is the fourth of July, even when it isn't.
- Watch Groundhog Day, but replace it with the fourth of July
The hilarious story of Bill Murray being trapped in the same day over and over has another use for you: extending your patriotism by making you think you are trapped in the fourth of July forever.
- Create your own fourth of July, only not on the fourth of July
By creating and signing a fake Declaration of Independence, you can construct a new day of independence on any day you like. This can even be done several times a week for maximum patriotism.
- Stare angrily at picture of bin Laden
Looking at the man who most likely orchestrated the September 11th attacks on our nation will bring you doses of patriotism in no time.
- Bake American flag cake
Turning our beloved flag into a baked good is a nice way to be patriotic, and also a tasty treat!
- Join KKK
Some KKK groups are very patriotic, provided you are able to look past their racist views.
- Destroy American flag
Wait, that's if you don't want to be patriotic.